Current Events Watch

I have a warrant out for my arrest. No kidding. The boys in blue actually showed up a few weeks ago to haul my felonious ass to the slammer. They did, however, acknowledged that they probably had better things to do, and let me off the hook with a stern directive to get to the police station post-haste. Payment of $300 bail would secure my continued freedom. (I never went. I hate being told what to do.)

This was due to my blatant disregard of an invitation from the local courthouse to visit with the Honorable Judge Wayne Cagle. I have since learned that this sort of no-show behavior is frowned upon, as attendance at such events is not considered optional.

All of this because my house needs a fresh coat of paint, and now the house judge isn’t very happy.

One of my stalkers (I have two; very popular, I am) sought revenge when I began dallying with another, and apparently thought that ringing up City Hall to file a paint complaint would be the best way to express his displeasure.

The house does need painting, I’ll admit, but I’ve seen worse. I’m hardly a criminal, just lazy. Nevertheless, a default judgement was rendered against me, and I’m now a fugitive from justice.

Seemingly lots of important cases on the courts’ dockets indeed! Judicial time well-spent. Okay, I know I should have shown up for my court appearance, but I was annoyed by the whole thing. Seemed so frivolous, and again, I don’t like being told what to do. Or when and where to do it.

Despite my less-than-objective opinion about my personal situation, true judicial lunacy really lives. Of course we’re all aware of that; we live in America, for goodness’ sake.

But we’re not alone in the world when it comes to WTF? court decisions. Take Italy for example. Case in point:

At least this couple duly showed up when summoned which, as I’ve learned, is a good thing. In hindsight, however, they may wish that they had opted to go on the lam instead.

Mara and Roberto Germano live in Genoa. Mara and Roberto had a baby boy. Mara and Roberto named and baptized the new addition Venerdi. Mara and Roberto were happy.

Unfortunately for the couple, city hall officials in Italy are obligated by law to report any unusual names to the appropriate authorities, and since “Venerdi” is Italian for “Friday,” well, given the oddity of the name, is it any wonder that the matter would end up before the Genoan panel of judges?

The law must be upheld, after all, and egregious names will simply not be tolerated, so the court date was set.

After no doubt much deliberation and legal research, the Venerdi verdict was administered. Judgement against the defendants. The child simply would not be allowed to go through life with a name that evoked the image of a savage, like the character Friday in Robinson Crusoe, “thus creating a sense of inferiority and failing to guarantee the boy the necessary decorum.”

The Germanos appealed, as might have been expected. Who wouldn’t? What they called the little tyke during the interim, I don’t know. Still, they waited.

Then last month the appeals court came to their decision. They stated that Venerdi falls into the category of the “ridiculous or shameful” names that are barred by law, and agreed that it recalled the native servant in Daniel Defoe’s novel.

They even stepped it up a notch. The judges wrote that naming the boy Venerdi would bar him from “serene interpersonal relationships” and would turn him into the “laughing stock of his group,” according to a report in La Repubblica this week.

Not only that, they said that even as a day of the week, savage imagery aside, Friday raises a “sentiment of sadness and penitence, when not being associated with bad luck outright.” Case closed.

Win some, lose some. The law is the law. But now, what to do? The kid was born in September of 2006, and more than a year later, are Mom and Dad really expected to have to dust off that book of baby names yet again?

Not to worry. The judges have that covered as well. It was court-ordered that the boy be named Gregorio, after the saint on whose day he was born. So that takes care of that.

Seems to me that there would be far more important things on both domestic and international dockets relating to matters somewhat more relevant than house paint or baby names.

But that’s just me, and I’m a defendant, so my opinion may be biased. I’d bet, though, that Mara, Roberto and little Gregorio would probably agree with me.

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