Current Events Watch

Don’t get me wrong, I love women (just not in “that” way), but being a card-carrying member of the rainbow tribe, ladies’ undergarments do not interest me whatsoever. A beautiful babe strutting her stuff within arm’s length, clad only in a lacy Victoria’s Secret thong, would do no more for me than if she would have opted for a pair of K-Mart granny panties. I would guess that the granny panties would probably be more comfortable, actually, sans that thong strap riding up the ass all day. Seems to me that that might cause some uncomfortable chafing. Either way, after a lengthy yawn, my inclination would be to ask her to get dressed so we could go grab a cup of coffee.

Still, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that panties have ever necessarily frightened me. I have just chosen to keep my distance. It’s a personal decision. So you can imagine how fortunate I felt when I learned that, thanks to my panty-avoidance lifestyle, I have saved myself from the inevitable power-sapping side effects of a close encounter of the panty kind! With my new-found knowledge, courtesy of Burma’s Than Shwe and his fellow Burmese co-horts, I am certainly counting my blessings. Read on and learn!

Burma’s superstitious generals, particularly junta chief Than Shwe, believe that contact with any item of women’s wear deprives them of their power.

Well, now we know. Thanks to smart ladies around the world, they’ve come together to do their part in eliminating Than Shwe’s brutal military junta rule in Burma (although I’m still thankful for the lesson!) by participating in a Panties For Peace crusade!

Yep, from all over the world, women are FedExing (or MyanmarExing, I really don’t know) packages of panties to Burma and its various embassy outposts, attempting to debilitate the regime. Keep it up, ladies! Who knows which lacy undergarment might just be the final straw to break the camel’s back? Maybe, just maybe, given enough panty-power, Aung San Suu Kyi will be able to take her rightful place as leader. No more torture, no more murder, no more empty monasteries.

So keep it up. I now have even more reason to steer clear of the pantily clad, of course, but at least they might be good for something. In all seriousness, any sort of campaign or activism that keeps this Burma issue (mess) at least in the semi-spotlight, is a good thing. We quickly forget about such things, and move on, without doing anything to cause change.

Speaking of which, let’s keep an eye on this. If this power-sapping, panty-fear theory of Than Shwe’s proves to be true … well, keep some boxes and packaging tape on hand, because we’ll have some important shipping to do. Mail your panties to:

burma, panties for peace, myanmar, military junta, peace campaign, george bush