Current Events Watch

It’s the holiday season, and who doesn’t love Christmas? It is indeed the most wonderful time of the year!

I personally never hear sleigh bells ring no matter how closely I’m listenin’, nor do I roast chestnuts on a fire, open or otherwise.

Apparently some do, though, so in those respects I can only celebrate vicariously through others.

But that’s okay. I really don’t need jingling bells, one-horse open sleighs and such. Nope, I know the real reason for the season.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Of course the Lord of lords was not actually born on December 25th. Most likely a late summer or early fall baby, given the concurrent Roman censusing, farmer harvesting, and shepherd nighttime flock-watching. Activities not typically on the December to-do list.

I’d bet that at His age, Jesus probably doesn’t really care so much for birthday parties anyway, regardless of when celebrated. I know I don’t, and I’m still quite a young whippersnapper by comparison.

Commemorating the birth of Christ, however, remains important to us, His earthly disciples. Although a certain One may not particularly care to be reminded that He is not getting any younger, I’m sure He’s still appreciative. We all like to be the center of attention, after all, even if just for a day, whatever the occasion.

And with requisite celebratory gift-giving, thanks to that frankincense and myrrh thing, and since the really good sales don’t start until December, I’m sure He understands the need for the arbitrary date change. I mean, really, what’s a few months in the context of all eternity?

But not everyone has jumped on the manger bandwagon.

It’s hard to believe, I know, but there still exists a disturbingly high number of lost heathen souls in other parts of the world who refuse to appreciate or even acknowledge this holiest of days, set aside to reverently remember and honor the birth of the Savior. They’re all hell-bound, of course, unless they change their ways.

Fortunately, the missionary team of Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hand, hailing from South Park, Colorado, has heeded the call to spread the Good News to the rest of the world each December. Fishers of men, they are. Godspeed, brethren!

On such missions one must not pussyfoot around the Truth, so if you are easily offended by harsh conversion tactics consider yourself warned not to watch the following. Words are spoken that may be offensive to some.

However, sometimes dropping the “F Bomb” is the only way to show the pathway to true salvation. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Whatever it takes.

Hey, at least they haven’t resorted to waterboarding. Merry Christmas!

UPDATE: Speaking of the “F Bomb” I have to drop a big one on Viacom. The video clip I had here has “been removed due to copyright violation.” I’ll probably be receiving notice soon to also erase that DVD recording I made of the same episode. All righty then, you’ll still get the gist with this one. I guess as long as the characters don’t move, it’s all cool. Whatever. The song, though, remains the same …

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