Current Events Watch

I’ll start by admitting that I am a Christian, and that I may be a little bit crazy. Or a lot, depending upon whom you ask. But I’m not cross-burning, anti-gay Ku Klux Klan crazy, pie-in-the-face Anita Bryant crazy (now that was funny! If you don’t click on any other link, that’s the one that is truly click-worthy.), Krybaby-Killer-King-sanctity of marriage George W. Bush crazy, or in-the-closet Pat Robertson and died-in-the-closet Jerry Falwell crazy. (”The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” - Shakespear’s Hamlet. Past tense version for Jerry, of course. RIP. Pat’s still around, though. You go, girl!) Of course, there are others, but space is limited.

All of these pious folks are (or, in some cases, were) diligently doing God’s work, in a Fred Phelp’s sort of way. We gay people are responsible for all worldly woes, apparently! Alongside the blacks and Jews, and assorted others. But when Pat and Jerry had their conversation after 9/11, and I realized that I had been, in part, responsible … well, I felt really bad! I sometimes still clothe myself in sackcloth and ashes as penance for that one.

Thank God (sorry, what I meant to say was “thank goodness”, I forgot for a moment that I’m not God-worthy), that I’m not a gay, black, Jewish feminist who may have at some point had an abortion in Iraq! There wouldn’t be enough sackcloth to redeem myself! I would probably be good to go with the ashes, though. I do smoke a lot.

By the way, while I’m thinking about it, let me apologize on behalf of all of us degenerates for Katrina, too. I’ll do more penance, I promise.

I’m sure that Dubya would be appalled at being categorized with the Klan. As would Florida sunshine orange juice queen Anita. The two Bible guys might not have such a problem with it. Whatever. They’re all KKK.

The point is, everyone picks and chooses, whether it’s at the grocery store (store brand, name brand?) or when one grabs their Bible and picks this verse, that verse, to prove that they really are “holier than thou.” And it’s quite clear that gay is wrong! Okay, so I’m an abomination. Just take a look at Leviticus 18:22. That’s certainly “straight” to the point! Well, forgive me, God, but You have to admit, that guy I brought home really was cute.

And while You’re at it, forgive me for ordering the shrimp and lobster special last weekend, and for not killing my neighbor Mark, who was called into work last Sunday at the last minute. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, seemed a bit harsh.

Of course, I, myself, didn’t work on Sunday, no way! Perhaps that might score me some spiritual points.

Speaking of scoring points, I spent my day of rest, instead, watching Chiefs’ football (finally a win!). Then again, the whole team is probably now on God’s bad side, which doesn’t bode well for the rest of the season. Playing with that unclean pigskin. Particularly on the Sabbath! So on second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have watched the game after all, should have taken no part in that transgression. I also now regret wearing my “Go Chiefs” cotton-poly-blend sweatshirt. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Holy crap! I’m doomed, for so many reasons! Even so, dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please just stop condemning me for being gay. Particularly over dinner at the Red Lobster. The shrimp was good, though, wouldn’t you agree? Loved that sweater, too. I’m assuming it was 100% cotton? Okay, enough ranting, and sorry for the excessive number of links, but Bible study is important. Just trying to educate about God’s laws. Wouldn’t want someone else stoned to death for a bad menu or wardrobe choice. I’m already a lost cause.

Anyway, this is the trailer from a Kool new movie that I Kan’t wait to see when it finally makes its way here to Kansas City. Because, you know what? I really do know that Jesus loves me, despite what those other Krazy Kooky Khristians say. How do I know? For The Bible Tells Me So. In spite of all of that other stuff, of course. Yep, that was the last of too many links, praise the Lord.

religious right, fundamentalism, christianity, radicalism, homosexuality, gay rights, bible, george bush, kkk, anita bryant, pat robertson, jerry falwell, religion