Current Events Watch

If you live in the Ulyanovsk province of Russia, yesterday was your day off. Your governor is quite the generous leader, practically insisting that the boss let you stay home! I’m jealous. Governors on this side of the pond aren’t so charitable. Sergei rules! You lucky dogs.

Of course, I hope you didn’t spend the day relaxing, kicking back, having a cold one, when you should have copulating your brains out. That was the point, you know, to make some more Russian babies. If you missed that part of taking the day off, well, you’ve got some catching up to do. You missed the September 12 deadline to be in the running for the grand prize, but still, you could at least show your appreciation to the gov by trying to pop out a few on your own time. Try for triplets, that would make him happy. But anyway, even if you missed the opportunity to make it into the finals, you at least had a day off.

Russia’s head count has dropped dramatically since the Soviet collapse way back when. People aren’t having as many kids. No high expectations, either, of living a long and fruitful life … life expectancy there is one of the lowest in the world. Particularly with the men, who on average keel over around 58 or so. And apparently their health care system makes the US version seem stellar, yikes. The spike in emigration since 1991 doesn’t help with the numbers, either.

Just a thought. Even if couples begin breeding like bunnies, Mom and Dad will probably kick the bucket soon, so the numbers pretty much just break even. Unless the spawn decide to emigrate. Then we’re looking at those negative numbers again. Russia is now one of the most sparsely populated nations in the world.

However, if you were one of the couples on the ball (balls, plural, may be more appropriate) yesterday, you may now be qualified for a fabulous prize! (Fine print: You must be knocked up. We suggest an EPT kit to confirm eligibility. You must maintain contents in utero until exactly June 12 of next year in order to claim your prize. No early or late entries will be accepted.)

They’re so desperate for more folks over there, that for the last few years, September 12 has been designated Conception Day! Exactly nine months before June 12, which is Russia’s national day, and if you are successful in delivering the kid (or, cross your fingers, kids!) on time, you win such things as cash, appliances, and cars!

They could probably just bus in some of the folks from India, China, any one of those countries where people are practically living on top of one another. Or even NYC. I’ve been there. It seems there might be some surplus folks there that could help out. I guess it’s either feast or famine, though, when it’s comes to population.

Well, we’ll have to wait until next June to see who the grand prize winners will be, I suppose. Come June, there will no doubt be many mothers-to-be tightly clinching their thighs, anxiously awaiting the 12th, while others will begin pushing like the dickens on the 12th, ready or not! Because the good news is, the winners will get to drive their latest family addition(s) home in A BRAND NEW CAR! I love a good competition.

conception day, russia, population, russian population