Current Events Watch

Don’t get me wrong, I love women (just not in “that” way), but being a card-carrying member of the rainbow tribe, ladies’ undergarments do not interest me whatsoever. A beautiful babe strutting her stuff within arm’s length, clad only in a lacy Victoria’s Secret thong, would do no more for me than if she would have opted for a pair of K-Mart granny panties. I would guess that the granny panties would probably be more comfortable, actually, sans that thong strap riding up the ass all day. Seems to me that that might cause some uncomfortable chafing. Either way, after a lengthy yawn, my inclination would be to ask her to get dressed so we could go grab a cup of coffee.

Still, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that panties have ever necessarily frightened me. I have just chosen to keep my distance. It’s a personal decision. So you can imagine how fortunate I felt when I learned that, thanks to my panty-avoidance lifestyle, I have saved myself from the inevitable power-sapping side effects of a close encounter of the panty kind! With my new-found knowledge, courtesy of Burma’s Than Shwe and his fellow Burmese co-horts, I am certainly counting my blessings. Read on and learn!

Burma’s superstitious generals, particularly junta chief Than Shwe, believe that contact with any item of women’s wear deprives them of their power.

Well, now we know. Thanks to smart ladies around the world, they’ve come together to do their part in eliminating Than Shwe’s brutal military junta rule in Burma (although I’m still thankful for the lesson!) by participating in a Panties For Peace crusade!

Yep, from all over the world, women are FedExing (or MyanmarExing, I really don’t know) packages of panties to Burma and its various embassy outposts, attempting to debilitate the regime. Keep it up, ladies! Who knows which lacy undergarment might just be the final straw to break the camel’s back? Maybe, just maybe, given enough panty-power, Aung San Suu Kyi will be able to take her rightful place as leader. No more torture, no more murder, no more empty monasteries.

So keep it up. I now have even more reason to steer clear of the pantily clad, of course, but at least they might be good for something. In all seriousness, any sort of campaign or activism that keeps this Burma issue (mess) at least in the semi-spotlight, is a good thing. We quickly forget about such things, and move on, without doing anything to cause change.

Speaking of which, let’s keep an eye on this. If this power-sapping, panty-fear theory of Than Shwe’s proves to be true … well, keep some boxes and packaging tape on hand, because we’ll have some important shipping to do. Mail your panties to:

burma, panties for peace, myanmar, military junta, peace campaign, george bush

My starry-eyed fellow blogger Beth has recently suggested that with November just around the corner, Turkey Day (my favorite holiday!) being part of the Fall-package deal, that perhaps this is the perfect time to focus our attention on those who may not be quite so enthusiastic about the looming day of gluttony. Or is that the day of giving thanks? I never remember. Oh well, either way, it’s hard to be either gluttonous or thankful if you’re one of the 36.5 million in this country living in poverty who is barely able to feed the family on any given day, whatever the month. Or in Bush-speak, one who finds it hard to put food on the family.

Actually, those poor folks would probably be indeed thankful if able to celebrate the holiday with so much as an Oscar Mayer-processed-turkey-lunchmeat sandwich come November 22nd. After all, it’s called Turkey Day for a reason, and what better way to observe a national tradition than the gathering of family around the dinette set for that once-a-year special meal! Truly something to give thanks for.

Even a SPAM sandwich might work. There’s probably some sort of discarded fowl parts in there somewhere. Turkey lips or something. Mystery meat is always questionable, but it could probably do in a pinch.

Meanwhile, the rest of us, oblivious to the plight of those less-fortunate, will be gorging on our respective feasts of Honeysuckle turkey breast (unless you’re a leg man, of course), replete with stuffing, mashed potatoes (lots of gravy, please), and the ever-popular Campbell’s mushroom soup green bean casserole with those tasty French’s French Fried Onions on top. Yum! (One of my personal favorites, hence the recipe link.) But wait, there’s more! Unbutton the britches, because here comes the pumpkin pie!

So while that needy family downtown might be giving thanks for simply having food on themselves, as George would say, we’ll be most thankful for having the day off! No need to even call the boss with that contrived raspy voice and occasional coughing spell, explaining why you won’t be able to make it into the office today because of an overnight flu onset. Save the sick day for another time. I guess we all have our priorities.

I do love Thanksgiving. And I love the big meal, the day off, the tryptophan-induced nap that zonks you out usually just before the winning touchdown in whichever football-marathon-day game you happen to be watching at the time. However, in the true spirit of the day, it would behoove us to remember that everyone is not so fortunate, and that we should be sincerely thankful for the abundance and blessings that we normally take for granted. Even if you think your life sucks, be thankful that, if for nothing else, you probably don’t have to stoop to celebrating the holiday with a SPAM sandwich.

We should also remember that to whom much is given, much is required. (Okay, that’s getting Biblical, but I’m sure that there are similar Koranical, Book of Mormonical or choose-your-religious-bookical lessons as well.) As good as it is to enjoy the opportunity to spend the day with family and friends, it might be a nice change of pace to opt to forego just one indulgent Thanksgiving, and instead volunteer at your community shelter, for example, serving those less fortunate than ourselves a real turkey, stuffing, mashed potato with extra gravy meal. Maybe even a helping of green bean casserole, with no canned luncheon loaf in sight.

Who knows? It might just be the eye-opening experience that will give us the perspective we need to appreciate the things we should be truly thankful for, every day. I’ve already checked with my local Salvation Army to see what opportunities are available this year. There will always be another Thursday in November to hook up with the gang, pig out, take a snooze on the sofa. Thankfully.

poverty, thanksgiving, volunteering, hunger

Yeah, we watched for awhile. But our attention span is rather short, so, it rather seems that Burma may have kind of dropped off the map. Or is it Myanmar? Maybe I’m looking at the wrong map. In any event, let’s move it along already. We’re ready for a new Developing Story, or the latest Breaking News.

Admittedly, it was quite something to behold, though. When we cared, while we were still watching: a multitude of thousands marching, peacefully protesting against a military regime that has had the country under its murderous thumb for over forty years.

What was cool, though, and the reason we watched, is that everyone loves a parade! Who doesn’t? Marching in the streets, a throng of pretty saffron-robed monks leading the pack. It was quite impressive! Kind of like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, without the balloons. Still very colorful, and we like pretty colors!

Of course there was that military junta nuisance, raining on the parade, very clear in their orders as reported by The Independent:

“People are not to follow, encourage or take part in these marches. Action will be taken against those who violate this order,” the broadcasts said.

Action was indeed taken, and continues, even if we’ve already lost interest. The pretty colors are gone (wonder where they went?) and now the rest of the pack is just, well … rather bland.

Demonstrations are always newsworthy, of course. Good for ratings, and make for some most excellent video footage. Particularly when led by a group so colorfully clad! Toss into the mix some sporadic gunfire and a dead body or two and, well, you have yourself a top story.

Unfortunately, now that the pretty robes have all but disappeared, there’s really not much to hold our attention. So Burma has been relegated to D-List status. It’s still given some obligatory commentary from time to time, but its commercial appeal has apparently diminished.

Meanwhile, the action promised to be taken by the junta was indeed taken. No, it’s not quite so pretty without the saffron parades, and is, in fact, uglier than one might think.

Monasteries are empty, the monks being duly detained for proper beatings, torture and death. As is reported in the previous link, the first-hand accounts of what is currently going on is indeed harrowing. Monks crammed into a room and, between beatings, of course, living in shit. Literally.

“There were about 400 of us in one room. No toilets, no buckets, no water for washing. No beds, no blankets, no soap. Nothing,” said a 24-year-old monk who was held for 10 days at the Government Technical Institute, a leafy college in northern Rangoon which is now a prison camp for suspected dissidents … “The room was too small for everyone to lie down at once. We took it in turns to sleep. Every night at 8 o’clock we were given a small bowl of rice and a cup of water. But after a few days many of us just couldn’t eat. The smell was so bad.”

Some of the novice monks who were detained (a Buddhist monk-recruitment thing, I think … I haven’t really checked into that, but that’s not the point), were under 10 years old!

Maybe most appalling, though, is that it wasn’t only the monks and other openly dissenting demonstrators who were targeted for torture. They were willing participants, taking a stand, knowing the risks, up to and including death. Thanks to the powers-that-be’s scrupulous examination of surveillance camera footage, though, non-participants are also being dragged screaming from their homes in the middle of the night. They may have done nothing more than step out of their front door and applaud as the parade passed by (I would, I love a parade, too), or may simply have offered water to a thirsty flag-holding monk. Doesn’t matter. They, too, are being captured, no pot to piss in, no place to sleep, flogged and bloodied, along with everyone else.

At least we all paid attention for awhile. Some of us still do. Our leader George W. Bush, though, never really seemed to give a rat’s ass. I guess he does have other priorities, like his own torture agenda to attend to, so I’ll give him a break. Best to just leave it to Laura to handle. Actually, knowing Dubya, that probably was a wise decision. Even if he has other matters on his mind (mind?), and no time to ponder Burma, we can and should, even if the parade is over.

burma, myanmar, burmese monks, genocide, george bush, burma demonstrations, torture, military junta

Burma

The other night Wayne Newton and partner Cheryl Burke were voted off of Dancing With The Stars. Danke schoen. No doubt Miss Cheryl was relieved. I know it was only a couple of weeks into the competition, but it seemed like an eternity … the man couldn’t pull off a decent tango if his life depended on it. Even the fake pony tail, paste-on mustache, and his ever-distracting mannequin-like appearance (plastic surgery is no doubt very lucrative) wasn’t enough to divert attention from the fact that the Vegas lounge lizard simply can’t cut a rug. Good riddance, but nice try. Hope he bought a round-trip ticket.

Speaking of distractions, reality TV has certainly captured the nation’s attention. We spend our evenings watching folks dance, sing, invent, build, hand out roses, lose the flab, eat bugs, and form various alliances. Nothing wrong with that, I have my favorites, too. Can’t wait for Simon, Paula and Randy to come back! Not to mention cutie-pie Ryan, hope he makes it out of the closet in time for the season opener.

Meanwhile, real reality easily flies under the radar.

As an abnormally hairy Wayne was being ousted, over on CNN Larry King was interviewing former president of Mexico Vicente Fox. Very good interview, by the way, in case you didn’t Tivo it. The thing that stood out most to me, though, is that this was, as far as I know, the first public acknowledgement made by one of the original party planners, of the grandiose scheme to create the North American Union, merging Canada, the US and Mexico … one mega-nation, indivisible. The better to govern and, of course, trade with you, my dear.

George Bush thought that that would be a fabulous idea, and met with Fox and Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin to discuss this most marvelous of plans, both who quickly jumped on board. No more borders! When was that first discussed? Back in 2005. How many people knew about it at the time? How many people know about it two years later? Not as many as were and still are no doubt glued to the tube getting their fix of reality. It happens. We’re easily distracted. Helpful for George, too, to better pursue his agenda with little attention. Best to avoid the naysayers until it’s too late.

I hope the US-Mexico border fence can easily be disassembled and snapped back together a bit farther south, protecting the new union’s southern border from undesirables. As it stands now, the fence would probably hinder construction of the NAFTA-on-steroids Superhighway that is a key part of this plan, to eventually web its way through (former) Mexico, the (former) US of A, and finally throughout (former) Canada. Eventually, of course, because these things take time!

And forget about the Almighty Dollar! That currency exchange rate would be a pain in the ass, particularly if you had a pocket full of pesos and wanted to take a road trip up north. (”See the NAU in a Chevrolet!”) Hail to the Almighty Amero!

There’s really no excuse, with all of the resources available to us lowly peons, for not paying attention to what’s going on in the world and within our government. It should behoove us, indeed, given the track record of Bushco. The White House just keeps its collective fingers crossed about such things, hoping that at least the majority will be so fascinated with who’s going to be evicted this week that such goings-on won’t really get much attention. Then one day, voila! “Hey, folks, look what we did! Oh yeah, and here’s a handful of Ameros to get you started!”, leaving all of us scratching our heads, thinking “WTF?”

Kind of like the Blackwater thing … it wasn’t really ever a secret, but you had to do your own research to find out about it. Never discussed by the administration, never given any media attention. Congress was pretty much in the dark about it, too. (Bush? Leaving Congress out of the loop? Completely unexpected!) Until recently, of course, when the shadow army was outed by some angry Iraqis, growing weary of innocent civilian target practice. Condi has now stepped in, duly investigating, re-evaluating, TCOB!

When something hush hush makes media attention, the reaction by the DC folks is, “Well, we had no idea! We’ll get to the bottom of this, not to worry!” The problem isn’t that they had no idea, it is that we the people had no idea. We weren’t paying attention. They knew about it all along.

I’m not always as diligent as I should be. It’s easy to get caught up in watching a handful of fifth-graders make fools of their grown-up counterparts. Meanwhile, other grown-up fools are planning and conniving things we should really be aware of, things that affect us, things that affect the world, things we aren’t told, and things that we should probably be provided the opportunity to throw in our two cents about. Or whatever that would be in Ameros. If we don’t want to be left in the dark, which is often the master plan, we have to take initiative to stay on top of things. Even if we do so … during the break.

north american union, nau, amero, vicente fox, george bush, nafta, reality tv

A few days ago I commented on the situation in Burma. Quite inadequately, I’ll confess. A pathetic attempt, and barely scratching the surface. Then again, one like myself certainly can’t be expected to provide a thorough investigative report. That’s best left to the professionals. At least that’s my excuse, although I admittedly could have done a better job. Oh well, onward and upward.

The junta’s laundry list of politicidal and genocidal tendencies is quite extensive, after all, and growing longer day by day! That’s nothing new, really. Their many years of atrocities has been well-documented. It has just come to the forefront of world attention as of late, though, because the Burmese citizenry, deciding that enough is enough, has stepped it up a notch in protesting against the brutality of the murderous regime. Of course, the junta has accordingly stepped it up a notch as well.

Monks and the masses who doest protest too much are systematically being massacred by the thousands (or, for the lucky few, simply detained and tortured … for now), while George Bush continues to turn a deaf ear, a blind eye, pick your idiom. On the other hand, who can blame him? “Hi, Pot! I’m Kettle.”

So I sucked with my stream of consciousness ramblings about the Burma situation the other day. Sorry. There is, though, a plethora of truly good information out there in cyberspace for those who bother to pay attention to such things. Believe it or not, you can actually find much better coverage. Learn about dead monks floating in the river (same old, same old … at least in Burma), bonfires of the bodies who ended up on the wrong end of the junta stick (some not quite dead yet), all sorts of information is right at your fingertips. But wait, there’s more! Jungle slaughters, and random shootings, the list goes on.

Of course, you’ll have to spend some time with Google to get the whole scoop, if you’re so inclined. Though if you’re more interested in Britney than Burma (”Britney” search results, 120-million plus; “Burma”, a mere 48-million), you can save time by simply paying a visit to Burmanet.org. This site provides some of the most comprehensive, frequently updated coverage of the plight in Burma that I’ve found. Check it out. All righty, then. Back to Britney … oops, she did it again.

myanmar, burma, military junta, genocide, buddhist monks, burma crisis

Burma

Let him go. He seems a little crazy, I’ll admit, but Charles Manson is innocent. It was me! That entire Tate-LaBianca fiasco? My idea. Sorry, Charlie, for the last 30-plus years of incarceration, and for the bad press. I was only six in 1969, but very devious and maniacal for my age. Even though I was 1,629 miles away (helped to avoid suspicion), I managed to pull it off. And you were a great scapegoat, being such a psycho and all. But I confess! The whole thing was my idea.

So I’m finally coming clean … water is very cleansing! Particularly effective when strapped to a board and doused with enough H2O that death by drowning seems inevitable. If they do that to me again, I swear, I’ll confess to every past transgression, and even make up some more stuff if need be. I’ll say whatever they want to hear to make them stop with the waterworks already!

While I’m at it, I’d just as well admit now to stealing that necklace at the mall to give Mom for Christmas, 1978. I don’t want to end up back on the board again, I’m still waterlogged and can hardly catch my breath. Oh, yeah, and I may have played a small part in that Black Dahlia murder thing, too, although that would have been in my previous life. I’m not sure about that one, but why not put every possibility on the table, to cover my ass. That waterboard thing, not to mention those slaps up side the head, was torture!

Well, apparently it’s not really torture. Not according to George W. Bush, responding today to the New York Times article revealing the “secret” Justice Department’s legal opinion from 2005, that authorized the use of painful methods, such as “head slaps, freezing temperatures and simulated drownings known as waterboarding, in combination”, to elicit confessions for whatever atrocities might be suspected. This just months after the December 2004 Justice Department’s opinion that publicly declared torture “abhorrent”.

President Bush defended his administration’s methods of detaining and questioning suspects on Friday, though, saying they are both successful and lawful, and that “this government does not torture people.” Either he doesn’t know what’s going on within his own administration and the agencies that be (which wouldn’t surprise me, actually), or King George is once again assuming that spewing repetitive rhetoric and propoganda will be enough to convince his ignorant subjects that all is well. Prince Cheney certainly backs him up:

Vice President Dick Cheney has confirmed that U.S. interrogators subjected captured senior al-Qaeda suspects to a controversial interrogation technique called “water-boarding,� which creates a sensation of drowning.

Cheney claims that the Bush administration doesn’t regard waterboarding as torture and allows the CIA to use it. “It’s a no-brainer for me,� Cheney said at one point in an interview.

Then there’s this gem:

Vice President Dick Cheney, being interviewed by a Fargo, North Dakota, talk radio show host, agreed with the host’s characterization of waterboarding as a “dunk in the water”

Typical Dick.

One especially cruel form of torture is waterboarding, which simulates drowning, the obvious objective being to force the person being tortured to give his torturers information to avoid death by drowning. The US has a long history of rejecting waterboarding as inhumane and degrading. Of course, that was before the Bush/Cheney regime.

-In 1901, an American soldier was court-martialed and sentenced to 10 years of hard labor for waterboarding a suspected Filipino insurgent.

-After World War II, we treated as war criminals Japanese soldiers who had waterboarded American prisoners.

-We court-martialed an American soldier who had aided in the waterboarding of a prisoner in the Vietnam War.

-The Field Manual of the U.S. Army bans waterboarding.

But that was then, and this is now. We’ve changed our minds. Now, anything goes. “Just admit to (fill-in-the-blank), dammit, and we’ll stop.”

It’s really no wonder that after his CIA waterboarding experience that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to everything from masterminding a grand total of 31 terrorist attacks, the shining moment being, of course, September 11, 2001, to planning to send several former US Presidents to prematurely meet their Maker! The dead presidents plans were foiled, of course, by international anti-terrorist agencies. (Our own agencies apparently had no clue. Thank God, others around the world were keeping tabs on the welfare of our former presidents … the world loves us!) And not only did KSM mastermind 9/11, he was also behind the Richard Reid shoe bomb thing, and he personally beheaded WSJ reporter Daniel Pearl. Pretty much anything that made the news. Quite an impressive resume.

Khalid was no doubt a bad guy, and probably involved in typical day to day, routine Al-Quaeda, kill-the-Americans plotting, but I doubt very seriously if he is such a mastermind as to have orchestrated such a vast array of terrorist activity. Four years of being held captive and tortured, though … well, he probably decided to ‘fess up to just about anything and everything. Waterboarding makes you talk. He probably would have admitted to the Manson spree as well, had he been questioned about that. Thank goodness it didn’t come up! I was struggling for something horrendous to confess to, and was growing tired of the “dunks in the water.”

torture, waterboarding, water-boarding, waterboard, al quaeda, guantanamo, iraq war, detainees, terrorism, interrogation, charles manson, george bush, dick cheney

As my comrade Bob “Radical Avenue” Betzen has so succinctly (I like words that start with “suc…”) acknowledges, October is indeed Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Busy month, this is. It’s not just about popcorn, breasts and window blinds after all. My bad, I should have pointed that out as well, but the popping had slowed, so I had to go. I hate burnt popcorn.

Bob says in his post, “violence begets violence.” That’s true, of course, whether it’s the domestic in-the-home type, or the global in-the-world type. I’ll leave that for Bob’s succinct elaboration at a future date.

In the sappy words of Burt Bacharach, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love!” (Now I’ll not be able to get that song out of my head.) Sappy or not, it’s true, of course, whether you’re talking about the Mom, Dad and their 2-1/2 kids family, or the greater, universal human family. Violence begets violence, but hugs also beget hugs. And knowing that one man can make a difference, I’m a fan of this one man, Juan Mann, who has definitely made a difference. If there were more Juan Menn in the world, we might not have such things to worry about like domestic violence. Or wars. Hugs are contagious.

Juan Mann (obviously a pseudonym, but a good one) is the Aussie who started the Free Hugs Campaign. Not that he had an agenda, or a plan … he was just pretty much down on his luck. He had nothing, had no one, and he just needed a hug, even if from a stranger in an airport. Well, his soliciting for hugs turned into quite a movement, and spread like a virus! Until, of course, the authorities decided the hugs were unacceptable and banned such behavior. I’ve said before, I’m not a fan of authority. Just wanted to reiterate.

In any event, it turns out that people apparently do like hugs, and Juan petitioned for 10,000 signatures to successfully overturn the hugging ban! Now the campaign has turned into quite a revolution. Other huggers are now wielding Free Hugs signs in public places all over the world. Bringing people together … literally.

I’m a crybaby, I’ll admit it. So the video on the Free Hugs Campaign homepage made me cry. In a good way, though. Watch it, read Juan Mann’s story, and I defy you not to at least tear up a bit.

It’s nice to know that with all of the violence and hate in the world and in our own homes, there is still good. It sometimes just takes someone to step up and prove that One Man can make a difference, by spreading love, sweet love. (I told you that song would be stuck in my head!)

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is indeed upon us. And for the wives, the mothers, the children, and even the husbands and fathers who may be victims, know that the cycle of violence can be broken by making the choice to get out of the situation, however difficult. In leaving an abusive relationship, no matter how desperate you might feel, know that there are still some good people in the world. People who care, people who help, people who hug. Sometimes a hug is all it takes to give hope. And thanks to Juan, thousands of folks are just waiting to give you some love (sweet love … damn you, Burt!)

If you’re in a situation where you are inclined to flinch when arms are raised, get out. There will be others waiting for you with arms raised, too, but no need to flinch. They simply want to give you a hug, because Juan Mann made a difference.

free hugs, juan mann, free hugs campaign, domestic violence awareness

George Bush is no doubt having yet another Homer Simpson moment. D’OH, indeed! Now everyone knows about Blackwater. That whole contract killer army thing was supposed be kept secret. Really, it hasn’t been a secret, if people would have been paying attention. The devil is in the details, as they say, and most of the population really doesn’t care about the details, but the Blackwater group has been on the ground in Iraq (not to mention Afghanistan) for the last few years. They also had a brief gig in New Orleans after Katrina, ready to pop a cap at whomever or whatever they felt inclined to target. And with impunity, and immune from prosecution, everyone and everything is a potential target. Woo hoo! Ready, aim, fire.

Blackwater is a mercenary group, given a $20-million-plus no-bid contract (sound familiar?) hired to step in and help kill the bad guys (and the not so bad guys, if they have the notion), so that we don’t have to do it all by our lonesome. The beauty is, we don’t have to tally their casualties in the official count, which keeps the numbers low! Or at least lower. At some point, though, karma happens, and since September the 16th was apparently a slow news day, the massacre of 11 innocent Iraqis by the Blackwater gang made the headlines. Now everyone knows. And knows that they tried to hide it. D’OH!

Better late than never, I suppose, that people finally have no choice but to pay attention to what has been going on for quite some time. Check it out, this certainly isn’t the first incident. It’s just the first incident that brings it all to the forefront. You’ll be surprised. And Mr. Blackwater Chairman, Republican champion, Erik Prince, finally was called to a Congressional hearing to ’splain himself. Well, of course, he says that nothing was amiss. Of course not. He’s got the (again, no-bid) 20-mil contract in Iraq, is a huge Republican party donator, not to mention his board membership in the Christian Freedom International group. So he’s very rich, patriotic, and holy, without a doubt. How could his organization do wrong?

Anyway, according to their website:

“We are a professional military, law enforcement, security, peacekeeping, and stability operations firm who provides turnkey solutions.”

I think some of the recruits must have misunderstood, or perhaps they need a new trainer who can enunciate clearly. Turnkey solutions does, I suppose, sound similar to turkey shoot. (Watch the video, or you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about.) And, remember, this is an oldie, from back in the day, a couple of years ago, when Blackwater was still a secret. Who knows what else has been swept under the carpet between then and now?

blackwater, iraq war, george bush, shadow army, iraqi casualties

As so eloquently spoken by young Juliet, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Whether she was actually expressing her devotion to Romeo, as Bill would have us believe, or practicing the discipline of self-affirmation could be debated. She probably had some name issues. Juliet Capulet? Come on, what were the folks thinking? We never are informed of her middle name but, knowing what we do know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mom and Pop didn’t at least consider Antoinette as a possibility.

Maybe that’s an unfair assumption, but, nonetheless, I’m sure the other kids at Verona Middle School had a field day with that one! Particularly if she was the teacher’s pet. Create your own rhyme here. She was well-spoken, after all, and probably did receive favorable faculty attention, and fellow students can be cruel.

As can a military junta, like the ruling party currently terrorizing Myanmar. Or is it Burma? It depends on which talking head is reading the teleprompter at the time, reporting on the government’s atrocities in that Southeast Asian country. Things aren’t always rosy, or sweet, by any name, contrary to J-Cap’s affirmation.

I’ll stick with Burma, because that’s what it was called back in the day. Pre-1962, when it was a still a democratic society, before the military coup d’etat that overthrew the government. Before the subsequent decades of raping, pillaging, ethnic cleansing and enslavement policies under the current military regime. (There’s supposed to be one of those apostrophe things over the “e” in d’etat, I know that, I’m just too lazy to figure it out.) Of course the name “Burma” stuck until ‘89. But following the anti-military dictatorship demonstration known as the 8888 Uprising that began on, well, August 8, 1988 in which, by all accounts, thousands of demonstrators were killed and wounded, a name change was probably wise, and “Myanmar” had a nice ring to it. They certainly needed a fresh start and a re-branding after all of that negative “Burma” publicity! And change is good.

Unfortunately, not much has changed, except for the name. And now again the Burmese are protesting against the ruling military junta, and being massacred in the process. Thursday, during a civil protest, demonstrators were warned that they had 10 minutes to disperse or that they would be shot. The threat was duly executed, so to speak. Many were killed. One of the most noteworthy and publicized was Japanese journalist and photographer Kenji Nagai, shot and killed at point-blank range while simply attempting to document what was happening. He wasn’t even necessarily protesting, just taking a few shots here and there. (Poor choice of words on my part there, I guess. Sorry about that.) From the pictures in this article, it appears that after he was first shot, he was still trying to take some photos, no doubt hoping for the best. That obviously didn’t last for very long. Soon thereafter, shot in the chest, dead, along with so many others over the past few days.

Maybe it’s time for another name change. The Myanmar name has certainly been besmirched, given all of the recent publicity. Of course, things won’t change as long as the junta is running the show. They can call it Disneyland, for all it matters, they’ll just need new helmets. Everyone loves mouse ears. But the ethnic cleansing, the destruction of the villages, the planting of the land mines, the subsequent orders to retrieve said land mines, and all of the violence will no doubt continue, whatever name they choose.

I have to say, though, minefields and village-burning aside, the most disturbing recent development was when the SPDC (that would be the junta folks) shut down Internet access a couple of days ago … no way for the dissidents to let the rest of the world know first-hand what is going on, or to ask for help! Personally, I’d rather be raped, pillaged, or even recruited for mine hunting, than to have my Internet access shut down. Okay, not really, I suppose. It would be a close call, though.

At least George Bush is doing his part on America’s behalf. Representin’ the US of A! We don’t condone that kind of behavior, no way! But taking the matter up with the Burma/Myanmar leaders? Nah. It’s best to delegate this one to China. They’re closer, after all. And Lord knows we’ve got enough problems elsewhere. Maybe delegation is best. We’d probably just make matters worse anyway. Shock and Awe, Part Deux wouldn’t work, Burma doesn’t have any oil. Just people. And anyway, the Shock and Awe sequel is already scheduled to premier in Iran.

So what’s in a name? Maybe not so much. It’s really about the people, call them what you will. Burmese, Myanmarese (I think I invented a new word), or simply displaced, disrespected, or dead. Still, I prefer Burma. Things were better then. Hopefully, things will be better again. Yes, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But a shithole, by any name, simply stinks.

myanmar, burma, human rights, protests, government protest

“My very eager mother just served us nine pizzas.” That’s how I learned how to remember the planets in the solar system. “A red Indian thought he might eat tobacco in church.” Politically incorrect, perhaps, but that’s how I learned to spell the big word for math. “Found on road dead.” I had a Ford truck once. It had some problems, ‘nuf said.

I do like little memory tricks like that, though. They can sometimes make you seem smarter than you actually be. Are. For example, did you know that 11 x 214 is 2,354? The 11 thing is one of my favorite memory tricks, no calculator needed. If you can’t figure it out, let me know. And yes, 214 was just a random number. Pick a number, any number.

“I’m a dinner jacket”: Ahmadinejad. Okay, so you have to drop a syllable, and make a couple of adjustments in pronunciation, but it still works as an effective memory tool to remember the Iranian president’s last name. Thanks, Whoopi. She mentioned on The View that that’s how she remembered his name: “I’m a dinner jacket.” (Yes, I watch The View.) It certainly stuck with me. His name just rolls off of my tongue now. I thought it might come in handy at dinner parties and such, although, unfortunately, I’ve found that he’s not often the topic of party conversation. Dang it, there’s seldom an opportunity to show off my prowess for namedropping of international leaders. I even come prepared with a way to remember his first name: My mood. “My mood: I’m a dinner jacket.” Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Note to self: Alert the Whoop about that one. She no doubt attends more dinner parties than I do, maybe it would come in handy. I like to help out when I can.

So My Mood I’m A Dinner Jacket spoke today at Columbia University, amidst much controversy! Should he have been invited? Should he have been allowed to speak? Posters, demonstrations, all other things aside … my answer is “yes.” That question probably won’t come up in any future dinner party conversation, either, so I’ll just say so here, without even being asked for my opinion.

It’s that simple. Yes, he should have his chance to speak. Look, he was invited by Columbia president Lee Bollinger to speak on campus. Bollinger is a lawyer and a big First Amendment, freedom of speech proponent, so I understand and appreciate where he was coming from in inviting Ahmadinejad to speak. It isn’t like some Irianian madman, with or without requisite dinner jacket, stormed onto campus, demanded a podium, and forced the students at gunpoint to take their seats and pay attention (he’s smart enough to know that he’s not in Iran at the moment.) He had an invitation, and in a way, I admire him for RSVPing and showing up.

Bollinger made it clear from his introduction that he was no fan, however.

He said, “Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator,� adding, “You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated.�

Okay, that’s clear enough. And it does take balls to say something like that to your own invitee’s face. So why is everyone up Bollinger’s ass just because he’s giving this guy a forum in which to speak? Sometimes it might be a good idea to actually listen to what these people in the world have to say, how they respond to questions, without a media filter, nutcase or not. If I was a student at Columbia, I would have wanted to be there. Yeah, I think the guy is a weirdo. The Holocaust is a myth? Come on, how can anyone be so stupid? Of course, well-deserved ridicule is in order there. Okay, he’s not playing with a full deck. That’s pretty obvious.

The nuclear thing? Well, I’m not happy about that per se, but maybe they are actually just developing their nuclear program for energy, no weapon in mind whatsoever. Hey, we’ve got lots of nuclear energy plants here. No one made us stop. Of course, even if they do decide to sneak in some sort of bomb thing under the wire, well, we’ve got the nuclear bombs here, too, so we could teach them a lesson. It’s okay for us, just not for them. Not with a madman running the country. Whoops, we’ve got that, too. Never mind.

Then there’s his crazy questioning of the 9/11 attacks, and who is actually to blame. Well, I do question that, myself. Time to put on my dinner jacket. And so he’s not a big fan of Israel, neither am I. Maybe I should just move to Iran. No, wait. They have no homosexuals there, I wouldn’t fit in at all!

In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country,” Ahmadinejad said to howls and boos among the Columbia University audience.

“In Iran we do not have this phenomenon, I don’t know who has told you that we have it,” he said.

Ahmadinejad was challenged during his appearance on Amnesty International figures that suggested that 200 people had been executed in Iran so far this year, among them homosexuals.

All right, I know he’s a crazy dude. I don’t like him or his politics, or the way he runs his country, but he does have the right to speak, particularly in front of a group of college kids who are smart enough to call him on some of his outrageous policies, and put him on the spot, make him accountable. And like I said, he was invited, after all. Sometimes it’s best to hear the words straight from the idiot’s mouth. I really don’t understand the controversy. Good Lord, we’re forced to listen to the idiot running this country every day, and he wasn’t even invited.

Doesn’t really matter, Ahmadinejad’s days are probably numbered anyway. George Bush no doubt has another troop surge in the works, this time swapping out the “Q” for an “N“.

mahmoud ahmadinejad, iran, iranian president, george bush, columbia university

“Sic: Intentionally so written — used after a printed word or passage to indicate that it is intended exactly as printed or to indicate that it exactly reproduces an original.” Merriam Webster.

We’ve all seen it, the “sic” between those square brackets in newspapers, magazines, transcripts, online, whenever the writer of the piece wants to make it clear that, whomever it is they may be quoting, the author knows that this word, this phrase, the grammar is wrong, incorrect, misspoken, a mistake of some sort, but they are simply reporting exactly what he/she actually has said or written, verbatim. Adding “[sic]” takes the responsibility off of the reporter, because, really, who wants to be blamed for someone else’s stupidity?

Oddly enough, you seldom see “[sic]” in the news reports quoting George W. Bush following whatever his latest and greatest speech might have been. Then again, the reporters do have limited column space. I’m sure I could be sic-ed too, if I was quote-worthy, but I’m not, so I don’t worry so much. At least I’d never say something as Bush-classic as, “Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?” Or, “You’re working hard to put food on your family.” Both definitely bracketed sic-worthy. Not to mention the thousands of times the man has said “nucular.”

So he’s had a few misspeaks [sic]. We all do from time to time, but generally not every time we open our mouths.

Today he had his press conference explaining why the economy is strong despite some economists’ opinion to the contrary. Okay, whatever fantasy world he’s living in, I want to go there, too. He did support his position, though, by saying that, “Inflation is down, markets are steady, unemployment is relatively low, exports are up and corporate profits seem to be healthy.” Hmmm, wonder which one of those five he’s considering the primary indicator?

There were the requisite “sic moments”, of course. Moments (plural) within just this one sentence, for example: “There is no question that there is some unsettling times in the housing market and credits associated with the housing market,” the president said. If you can’t answer the question “What’s wrong with this sentence?”, you ought not waste your time trying to figure it out. You no doubt have better things to do, like putting food on your family.

Even when well-spoken, there are certainly things that should require a sic tag, not for the grammatical and spelling errors. Sometimes I would think that a reporter would want to make it clear that “he said it, not me!” In his economic “all is well” speech today, when pressed about whether he thought there was a risk of recession, Bush said:

“You need to talk to economists. I think I got a B in Econ 101.”

Well, considering we have a self-admitted C-student president running the show, apparently Econ 101 was actually one of his stronger subjects. Still, apparently not strong enough. The president doesn’t know if there’s a risk of recession? As I watched the speech, it seemed to me that he was in a quandary about what the word even meant. “Talk to economists.” Should the president, particularly when delivering a speech about the state of the nation’s economy, really be deferring to others when asked a simple question about, well, the economy? He didn’t even try to bluff his way out of that one. That was unusual. No wonder we’re in such a mess. This would qualify for one of those quotes warranting a bracketed disclaimer in tomorrow morning’s newspaper report. “I’m just reporting what he said, folks, don’t blame me.”

Of course, economy out of the way, the nation having been assured that everything is A-OK (except for the potential recession, which is still up in the air, since there was no economist in the house to answer that question), the focus turned to other issues, like it usually does. Another special bracket moment here, when asked about progress in Iraq, and why he thinks people there are dissatisfied with the central government. At least Bush continues to amuse. He actually said this:

“Part of the reason why there’s not this instant democracy in Iraq is because people are still recovering from Saddam Hussein’s brutal rule. Sort of an interesting comment, I heard somebody say, ‘Where’s Mandela?’ Well, Mandela’s dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas.“

This in reference, of course, to Nelson Mandela who after spending three decades in prison in South Africa for his anti-apartheid activities, became the first democratically elected president in South Africa, and helped reconcile his country after decades of racial division. No more of that burning-tire necklace murder thing going on against the black folks that was the norm under apartheid. Mandela is a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a leader known worldwide, yet I have the impression that George thinks the Mandelas are (or were, past tense, since apparently Saddam killed them all!) just another tribe or sect in the cesspool of Iraq. The Kurds, the Sunnis, the Shiites, the Mandelas!

By the way, Mandela is alive and well. In South Africa. And I doubt if he or any of the Mandela clan have at any time ventured into Iraq.

I’d suggest that reporters covering and quoting any Bush speech simply end every article with a single, bold, all caps [SIC]. That would pretty much cover it all, while saving valuable column space. In fact, [SIC AND TIRED] might be more appropriate when it comes to reporting on all things Bush. Bold, all caps.

george w bush, iraq war, economy, bush speech, nelson mandela

From time to time we all get cravings. Chocolate, ice cream, potato chips, nachos, or fill in the blank with whatever it is you’re just dying to have right now! I’m mostly a salty snack kind of guy, and will usually pass on the chocolate and the ice cream. Although, I do enjoy a bowl of vanilla with Hershey’s syrup from time to time, now that I mention it. Yum. Usually, though, I’ll go for the bag of chips or the cheesy nachos. Extra jalapenos, please, although I might regret that later.

Of pickles, I’m not a big fan. Hold the pickles for me. So it never occurred to me that there might be enough pickle fanatics out there craving a soggy cuke to warrant a demand for pickle stores. I was wrong. The Pickle Guys in NYC seem to have done quite well, and I guess there are others. I Googled it. Who knew? Talk about a niche market.

Apparently Iraqis also love their pickles. They have pickle shops there, too. One less today, though, after the latest car bomb attack in Baghdad. Quote from a witness reported by the Associated Press:

“We rushed outside the house after hearing the sound of the explosion. I could see the bakery and a nearby pickle shop on fire,” said Abu Ahmed, a 36-year-old Shiite government employee. “The wounded were screaming for help as the ambulances were arriving.”

Eleven people were killed, including two kids. The main target was the nearby bakery, as customers were lining up for bread as they ended their Ramadan fast. Unfortunate location selection for the pickle shop guys, though, and unfortunate timing for those customers who may have simply planned to dash in to satisfy an urgent pickle craving.

Of course it was “the bad guys” who did the killing, I understand that. But as far as I’m concerned, George Dubya and the Bushies have the blood on their hands. I know these things are happening every day, it becomes old news, but why? Because of the US illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq, we have resolved nothing, accomplished nothing, other than creating an environment in which sectarian violence between the Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds can flourish. It’s called a civil war (oxymoron, that phrase), and we created it. Now we’re stuck.

What strikes me most is that whether it’s us killing them, them killing us, or them killing each other, the hundreds and hundreds of thousands of deaths that are the result of this atrocity that is the war in Iraq have come in increments of, say, for example, eleven. Given enough time, like four and a half years, I guess those numbers do add up. And no end in sight. Keep that calculator handy.

Like I said, I don’t like pickles, but I do recognize one when I see it, and we’re certainly in one now when it comes to Iraq. I think I’ll stick with the nachos.

iraq war, illegal war, baghdad, car bomb, war casualties, george bush

If you live in the Ulyanovsk province of Russia, yesterday was your day off. Your governor is quite the generous leader, practically insisting that the boss let you stay home! I’m jealous. Governors on this side of the pond aren’t so charitable. Sergei rules! You lucky dogs.

Of course, I hope you didn’t spend the day relaxing, kicking back, having a cold one, when you should have copulating your brains out. That was the point, you know, to make some more Russian babies. If you missed that part of taking the day off, well, you’ve got some catching up to do. You missed the September 12 deadline to be in the running for the grand prize, but still, you could at least show your appreciation to the gov by trying to pop out a few on your own time. Try for triplets, that would make him happy. But anyway, even if you missed the opportunity to make it into the finals, you at least had a day off.

Russia’s head count has dropped dramatically since the Soviet collapse way back when. People aren’t having as many kids. No high expectations, either, of living a long and fruitful life … life expectancy there is one of the lowest in the world. Particularly with the men, who on average keel over around 58 or so. And apparently their health care system makes the US version seem stellar, yikes. The spike in emigration since 1991 doesn’t help with the numbers, either.

Just a thought. Even if couples begin breeding like bunnies, Mom and Dad will probably kick the bucket soon, so the numbers pretty much just break even. Unless the spawn decide to emigrate. Then we’re looking at those negative numbers again. Russia is now one of the most sparsely populated nations in the world.

However, if you were one of the couples on the ball (balls, plural, may be more appropriate) yesterday, you may now be qualified for a fabulous prize! (Fine print: You must be knocked up. We suggest an EPT kit to confirm eligibility. You must maintain contents in utero until exactly June 12 of next year in order to claim your prize. No early or late entries will be accepted.)

They’re so desperate for more folks over there, that for the last few years, September 12 has been designated Conception Day! Exactly nine months before June 12, which is Russia’s national day, and if you are successful in delivering the kid (or, cross your fingers, kids!) on time, you win such things as cash, appliances, and cars!

They could probably just bus in some of the folks from India, China, any one of those countries where people are practically living on top of one another. Or even NYC. I’ve been there. It seems there might be some surplus folks there that could help out. I guess it’s either feast or famine, though, when it’s comes to population.

Well, we’ll have to wait until next June to see who the grand prize winners will be, I suppose. Come June, there will no doubt be many mothers-to-be tightly clinching their thighs, anxiously awaiting the 12th, while others will begin pushing like the dickens on the 12th, ready or not! Because the good news is, the winners will get to drive their latest family addition(s) home in A BRAND NEW CAR! I love a good competition.

conception day, russia, population, russian population

Magnets are cool, they stick to stuff. The fender of your SUV, for example. Like the yellow “Support Our Troops” ribbon magnet that you picked up for a buck when you were checking out at the 7-11 because, well, it was right there, and you were already paying for the nachos and Slurpee, so why not? And it made you feel good. Doing your part, showing your support.

But which troops are you supporting? Because of our invasion and occupation of Iraq, the Iraqi citizens have no, or sporadic, electricity and other utility services, and water supplies have been cut off for days at a time. I guess, on the bright side, at least they’re not dead yet.

For many Iraqi citizens … trying to stay cool or find sufficient drinking water was a(n) urgent problem. The Baghdad water supply already has been severely affected by power blackouts and cuts that have affected pumping and filtration stations.

And now water mains have gone dry in the Shiite holy city of Karbala, where the whole province south of Baghdad has been without power for three days. Power supplies in Baghdad have been sporadic all summer and now are down to just a few hours a day, if that.

At least under Hussein, bad guy that he was, they had electricity and water. We move in and invade the country and now, well, sorry, we kind of blew up too much stuff, screwed up those kinds of things. OK, our bad. But hey, don’t forget we’re the liberators. The good guys. Give us a break.

I digress, back to supporting our troops, and that yellow ribbon magnet stuck to the fender of your Suburban. Showing support for the troops is great. Particularly, those soldiers who make the effort to spend time with the Iraqi children! And apparently those thirsty kids, the ones who have no water, they are the most fun of all!

Okay, support the troops, but do so selectively. You might want to pencil in “some of” on that 7-11 feel-good ribbon. Because if the soldiers are going to play with the kids, there is perhaps a better way. Not all soldiers are assholes, I know, but some are, obviously, and making a blanket statement that you support the troops is just wrong. And, by the way, those magnets are annoying.

iraq war, support our troops, iraqi war, soldiers

My religion is better than yours. My country is better than yours. My race is better than yours. And certainly, my sexual orientation is better than yours, you pervert. You all deserve a good bombing, beating, bashing, thrashing, and in some cases, should just be eliminated altogether.

What is wrong with humankind? From ancient times to current times, it’s always been this way. And I’m not speaking about Bush, for a change. The atrocities occur from both sides of the table. War, hate crimes, you name it. It’ll never end, but it’s a shame. We’re all on this same tiny speck of a planet floating in space, which won’t last forever, by the way, all sharing the same atmosphere. I’m just saying. You’d think at some point throughout the centuries that lessons would have been learned from history, but I guess it must apparently be inherent to hate. We’ll all just need to watch our backs, whichever side of (pick an issue, any issue) we are on, because there will always be someone out to get us.

As Depeche Mode sang back in the day, so succinctly:

“People are people, so why should it be you and I should get along so awfully? So we’re different colors and we’re different creeds, and different people have different needs. It’s obvious you hate me though I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve never even met you so what could I have done?

“I can’t understand what makes a man hate another man. Help me understand.

“Now you’re punching and you’re kicking and you’re shouting at me. I’m relying on your common decency. So far it hasn’t surfaced but I’m sure it exists, it just takes a while to travel from your head to your fists.”

war, hate crimes, hate, religion, politics, humanity