Current Events Watch

In case you haven’t heard, we’re in the midst of an ice storm here in the Midwest. Ice is cold, not to mention slippery, so I just stayed in today. All day. Since the power came back on this morning, I’ve spent pretty much most of my time right here, Googling and Stumbling until my eyes have officially glazed over. My ass is kind of numb, too, now that I think about it.

Nonetheless, as one thing led to another, like they do, I happened upon this video of a song I had not heard in quite some time. I was only six years old in 1969 when those three days of peace and music (as well as various other activities) went down at Woodstock, so at the time I was probably fretting mostly about starting the first grade. Full day class, and no more naps. I’m sure I wasn’t so much aware of, much less concerned about, worldly events or the war.

First grade is a distant memory. But as history repeats, and Vietnam on steroids is upon us, I’m certainly old enough now to appreciate this song, decades later, in light of our current (Iraq/n) situation. Outta sight song, and a groovy performance by Country Joe from that historic hippie hoe-down. Far out, man!

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Remember Iranian President Ahmadinejad’s recent homily and Q&A campus-session at Columbia University? Mahmoud delivered quite the performance for students and faculty. Crazy people can be entertaining. If nothing else, his much-publicized dissertation almost makes fellow world leader George Bush appear to be somewhat sane, rational and levelheaded. Almost. Okay, nah, that might be too much of a stretch. Never mind.

Crazy, yes, but Mahmoud also showed that he has a knack for comedy as well. From time to time, his inner stand-up comic could not be suppressed and would blurt a zany one-liner, much to the delight of the audience. There were several similarly noteable comedic moments, but this classic gem is the one that certainly garnered the most media attention. From the transcript:

PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD: In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. (Laughter.) We don’t have that in our country. (Booing.) In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you that we have it. (Laughter.)

The crowd laughed, heckled, and then laughed some more. If this presidential gig doesn’t work out as planned, there will always be open mike night at the Laugh Factory. One should always have something to fall back on.

But seriously, folks …

Of course the remark was laughable because of its absolute absurdity. Right? Sorry, Mahmoud, you might want to rethink some of your material. Sometimes the audience is laughing at you, not with you. On second thought, could it possibly be true that there really is no gaiety in Iran? Well, after further investigation, it turns out he was right! He wasn’t just being a wisecracker, pulling the audience’s collective leg, after all. Nope, there really are no homosexuals in Iran. At least none amongst the living. And if a rogue flamer does perchance pop up from time to time, that offender is dealt with in short order and punished. Capitally.

Yep, Iran is indeed a gay-free zone. No joke.

During a peace conference in May between the Iranian and British parliamentaries, Mohsen Yahyavi, a high ranking Iranian politician, for the first time acknowledged that Iran’s sentence for homosexuality is the death penalty. Public hanging is apparently the method of choice.

In the meeting, Yahyavi, when questioned about the reports, responded that “gays deserve to be executed or tortured and possibly both” because, of course, Islam forbids homosexuality. So there you have it. Hang ‘em high, and Allah bless Iran! Kind of makes the radical Christian competition on this side of the pond (e.g., Fred Phelps and his band of “God Hates Fags” loonies) seem like a bunch of wusses, huh?

Well, I’ll certainly be cancelling my reservation at the Tehran Hilton, that’s for sure! Allah forbid I might get caught ogling some Middle Eastern hottie passerby. Next stop, the gallows. Not quite what I had on the agenda. And that Mahmoud stand-up routine I was hoping to catch while in town probably wouldn’t have been so funny after all, all things considered.

By the way, these two teenagers were convicted of homosexuality by Iranian authorities and subsequently, well, dealt with accordingly. I find this image very, very disturbing.

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Prez George W. Bush and Veep Dick B. Cheney clearly need to be institutionalized. I’m not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on TV, but it doesn’t take doc smarts to make that diagnosis. The behavioral symptoms of the two-headed monster obviously indicate clinical psychosis. As summarily defined by our friends Merriam and Webster: PSYCHOSIS - “Fundamental derangement of the mind (as in schizophrenia) characterized by defective or lost contact with reality especially as evidenced by delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized speech and behavior.”

Well, there you have it. No need for a second opinion. Even I am able to call this one, sans medical credentials or framed diplomas. Forget impeachment, that’s probably a pipe dream anyway. The Democrats won’t do anything, haven’t stepped up to the plate to even bunt, much less hit a home run, and no doubt have no intention of doing so, despite their Bush-bashing rhetoric. They have disappointed, big time. Even a base hit would have been appreciated. A little less talk and a lot more action, maybe?

Instead, the war of words, Dems vs. Commander-in-Chief and cronies, has proven to be about as successful as BushCo’s own wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. So because of my impotent and spineless fellow party members, the Mad Cowboy-Hatter with dick in tow still has free reign, sucking us all deeper into the cesspool of warmongering insanity. Next stop before going down the drain, Iran.

Rattle the sabers and beat the drums! Watch out, Mahmoud, here we come. Why? Um, well, because … that’s a stupid question. Madmen need no reason. They make shit up, and all subordinate lemmings of patriotic citizenry are expected to, and usually do, follow blindly.

Needless, pointless, unwarranted hundreds of billions of dollars spent (tallying continues) and hundreds of thousands of dead folks sacrificed for the worthy cause that is Iraq isn’t enough to appease these psychos. The game hasn’t gone as well as planned, and being sore losers, their dementia takes control and they decide that now might be a fine time to start a new game. Never mind that we’re already running short on game pieces.

Quiz time. Why should Iran be our next wargames-marathon opponent? Multiple choice again, kind of like in Iraq: WMDs, Hussein-Bin Laden collusion … nope and nope. Regime change, well, that happened, but now it’s even worse, if that’s possible. Iraqi Freedom? Please, give me a break. Spreading democracy? That certainly has not worked out so well, despite all of the purple fingers. Nothing really stuck there, no correct answer to the question “why”, in spite of multiple choices. Maybe they’ll have better luck with Iran. So here are your options for this round of play. Cast your vote for the best reason to shock and awe yet another oil-pumping country.

A - Last week’s Bush-babble: “If you’re interested in avoiding World War III … you ought to be interested in preventing Iran from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.”

(Knowledge is a threat? We not only know how to make, we do make. If anyone could start WWIII it would be, well, never mind … don’t want to give the insane any crazy ideas. It’s probably too late, anyway.)

B - Sunday’s Cheney-chatter: warning of “the Iranian regime’s efforts to destabilize the Middle East and to gain hegemonic power … we cannot stand by as a terror-supporting state fulfills its most aggressive ambitions.”

(I had to look up hegemonic. Apparently being delusional does not preclude one from possessing a highly-developed vocabulary.)

C - Tuesday’s Bush-blather: insisted on the need “to defend Europe against the emerging Iranian threat.”

(What? Who knew Iran is a major threat to Europe? Is Ahmadinejad mad at anyone in Europe? As far as I know, not really so much. Even if he was, what would he do … nuke’em with that missile that he doesn’t have? Come on, definite lunacy behind this one. Only crazy people would consider something like that.)

Is it unconstitutional to commit the country’s leaders to an accredited mental health facility for treatment against their will? Now there’s an amendment I would fully support, because these two psychos could apparently use some professional help. A lobotomy would be an excellent start. I’m sure the rest of the world would thank us.

iran, iraq, george bush, dick cheney, nuclear weapons, world war iii