Current Events Watch

I have a warrant out for my arrest. No kidding. The boys in blue actually showed up a few weeks ago to haul my felonious ass to the slammer. They did, however, acknowledged that they probably had better things to do, and let me off the hook with a stern directive to get to the police station post-haste. Payment of $300 bail would secure my continued freedom. (I never went. I hate being told what to do.)

This was due to my blatant disregard of an invitation from the local courthouse to visit with the Honorable Judge Wayne Cagle. I have since learned that this sort of no-show behavior is frowned upon, as attendance at such events is not considered optional.

All of this because my house needs a fresh coat of paint, and now the house judge isn’t very happy.

One of my stalkers (I have two; very popular, I am) sought revenge when I began dallying with another, and apparently thought that ringing up City Hall to file a paint complaint would be the best way to express his displeasure.

The house does need painting, I’ll admit, but I’ve seen worse. I’m hardly a criminal, just lazy. Nevertheless, a default judgement was rendered against me, and I’m now a fugitive from justice.

Seemingly lots of important cases on the courts’ dockets indeed! Judicial time well-spent. Okay, I know I should have shown up for my court appearance, but I was annoyed by the whole thing. Seemed so frivolous, and again, I don’t like being told what to do. Or when and where to do it.

Despite my less-than-objective opinion about my personal situation, true judicial lunacy really lives. Of course we’re all aware of that; we live in America, for goodness’ sake.

But we’re not alone in the world when it comes to WTF? court decisions. Take Italy for example. Case in point:

At least this couple duly showed up when summoned which, as I’ve learned, is a good thing. In hindsight, however, they may wish that they had opted to go on the lam instead.

Mara and Roberto Germano live in Genoa. Mara and Roberto had a baby boy. Mara and Roberto named and baptized the new addition Venerdi. Mara and Roberto were happy.

Unfortunately for the couple, city hall officials in Italy are obligated by law to report any unusual names to the appropriate authorities, and since “Venerdi” is Italian for “Friday,” well, given the oddity of the name, is it any wonder that the matter would end up before the Genoan panel of judges?

The law must be upheld, after all, and egregious names will simply not be tolerated, so the court date was set.

After no doubt much deliberation and legal research, the Venerdi verdict was administered. Judgement against the defendants. The child simply would not be allowed to go through life with a name that evoked the image of a savage, like the character Friday in Robinson Crusoe, “thus creating a sense of inferiority and failing to guarantee the boy the necessary decorum.”

The Germanos appealed, as might have been expected. Who wouldn’t? What they called the little tyke during the interim, I don’t know. Still, they waited.

Then last month the appeals court came to their decision. They stated that Venerdi falls into the category of the “ridiculous or shameful” names that are barred by law, and agreed that it recalled the native servant in Daniel Defoe’s novel.

They even stepped it up a notch. The judges wrote that naming the boy Venerdi would bar him from “serene interpersonal relationships” and would turn him into the “laughing stock of his group,” according to a report in La Repubblica this week.

Not only that, they said that even as a day of the week, savage imagery aside, Friday raises a “sentiment of sadness and penitence, when not being associated with bad luck outright.” Case closed.

Win some, lose some. The law is the law. But now, what to do? The kid was born in September of 2006, and more than a year later, are Mom and Dad really expected to have to dust off that book of baby names yet again?

Not to worry. The judges have that covered as well. It was court-ordered that the boy be named Gregorio, after the saint on whose day he was born. So that takes care of that.

Seems to me that there would be far more important things on both domestic and international dockets relating to matters somewhat more relevant than house paint or baby names.

But that’s just me, and I’m a defendant, so my opinion may be biased. I’d bet, though, that Mara, Roberto and little Gregorio would probably agree with me.

venerdi germano, mara germano, roberto germano, gregorio, baby name friday, italy, italian judges, robinson crusoe, germano baby

YIKES! Hail to the potential Chief! A presidential election of firsts this will be, indeed. In addition to the conventional troupe of white guys in suits and ties, we also have the breasted, asbestos-pantsuited Hillary, the black-enough, non-Muslim Barack, and then, of course, the 9/11-superhero, occasional crossdresser Rudy, all on board for our consideration. Mixing it up in 2008!

What disturbs me about Giuliani is not his transvestism nor his drag queen diva alter ego. Go for it, dude. (He should probably rethink some of his fashion decisions, but that’s just my opinion.) No, the thing that disturbs me about him is his Republicanism, of course.

Nevertheless, I’m quite certain that Giuliani’s capability to continue this nation’s downward spiral would not be hindered by either tux or taffeta. I just hope he isn’t given the opportunity to prove me right.

I personally don’t get the whole crossdressing thing, but most straight people don’t get my penchant for boy-boy action, either. So who am I to judge? To each his own, live and let live, pick a platitude …

Still, some things might best be left in the proverbial closet, particularly if you’re Rudy Giuliani. Completely off the chart when it comes to garish and gaudy! Not a pretty picture. Practically nightmare fodder.

There is one thing, though, even more disturbing, and that is watching prick Dump Truck nuzzle the Queen’s boobies. Get a room. Preferably far from Pennsylvania Avenue. It may be time for a change, but let’s not go overboard.

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Yesterday the Republicans, today the Democrats. Their final respective debates before the Iowa caucuses to be held on January 3, and a combined three hours of my life frittered away. Must see TV? Hardly. Mind-numbing it was. The Republicans were in fact so boring that I actually dozed off for a few minutes. I did enjoy today’s Democratic powwow a bit more, but that’s probably simply due to my left-leaning proclivity. Not that there was much pow or wow, really. Both debates were pretty tame. And lame.

I was pissed off, too, that both my diminutive Dem Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel were barred from the debate … because neither have a campaign office in the Hawkeye state. Well, that’s not quite true. Kucinich does, but he made the mistake of renting non-commercial space. Live and learn, I suppose. The devil is in the details.

On the other hand, hello??? That weird little Republican black dude Alan Keyes got his chance to rant yesterday (he apparently doesn’t understand the concept of questions and answers) and, as far as I have been able to determine, has neither qualifying commercial nor non-commercial office space in Iowa. I’d be surprised if he has a campaign office anywhere, for that matter. Maybe they allowed him to appear simply for the sake of comedy relief.

Having already been subjected to a marathon of debates thus far in this presidential campaign season, I suppose there isn’t really much that we haven’t already heard from any of the candidates, so it’s little wonder that the last two days of monotonous discourse were so snooze-inducing. Still, I watched.

Based solely on performance, I’d say that the red team champ from yesterday’s episode would have to be (pains me to even say it, but …) Huckabee. Certainly not a fan of the Huck by any stretch of the imagination, but as I said, I am simply making an objective assessment based on performance alone. Ken-Doll Romney (who in the real world is ever that perfectly coiffed?) did well, also, by the same criterion. Of course, the loser isn’t even debatable, so to speak. This is one team that would clearly be better off if it simply lost its Keyes.

As for the blue team, I would say that the winner this afternoon was probably Obama. Again, purely performance-based. I enjoyed Biden, too, and thought he did well. Clinton seemed to pick up steam only toward the end of the show, so she lost some points there. With Obama on her tail (there’s a mental image that ought not be), her strategy seems to be shifting a bit and she somehow came across as less confident than usual. I think the consolation prize would have to go to Richardson. Nothing against the guy, it’s just that his public performances are consistently subpar.

Of course, a one-off stellar performance or a one-time bomb probably won’t really matter much to the folks in Iowa when next month rolls around. All of the candidates have been ass-kissing their ways across the state for some time now, fluffing their fans before the voters head off to the polls. At the end of the day, specifically the third one in January, it will ultimately come down to which contender kissed the most. I think it’s still too early in the game to think that the results are all that relevant, but apparently the pundits put a lot of stock into these opening ceremonies, so I guess I’ll concede to those in the know.

To all of the candidates, get some sleep (try watching the most recent debates, that’ll help), and prepare to pucker up. There’s still plenty of requisite ass-kissing on the agenda. Next stop, New Hampshire.

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In case you haven’t heard, we’re in the midst of an ice storm here in the Midwest. Ice is cold, not to mention slippery, so I just stayed in today. All day. Since the power came back on this morning, I’ve spent pretty much most of my time right here, Googling and Stumbling until my eyes have officially glazed over. My ass is kind of numb, too, now that I think about it.

Nonetheless, as one thing led to another, like they do, I happened upon this video of a song I had not heard in quite some time. I was only six years old in 1969 when those three days of peace and music (as well as various other activities) went down at Woodstock, so at the time I was probably fretting mostly about starting the first grade. Full day class, and no more naps. I’m sure I wasn’t so much aware of, much less concerned about, worldly events or the war.

First grade is a distant memory. But as history repeats, and Vietnam on steroids is upon us, I’m certainly old enough now to appreciate this song, decades later, in light of our current (Iraq/n) situation. Outta sight song, and a groovy performance by Country Joe from that historic hippie hoe-down. Far out, man!

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Mike Huckabee. Until recently, a name not often recognized, a face probably even less so. Now it seems that the little engine that couldn’t is beginning to pick up some Conservative steam, and may prove to actually be capable of chugging alongside the bigger locomotives (or should I say, “loco motives” … we are talking about Republicans, after all) in the race to the summit of that Iowan Caucus hill come January.

In particular, the trainwreck of Engines 911 and LDS at last month’s Republican YouTube debate seems to have given the struggling Huckabee Express a chance to do some catching up.

It’s not like Giuliani and Romney have totally derailed, by any means. But their distracting, non-stop, childish fray at the debate certainly gave Huckabee a great opportunity to distinguish himself from the pack by actually behaving like a grown-up. One that might be worth listening to after all.

So the Republicans began to think that perhaps this little engine’s coal might be worth stoking. Yikes. Thanks, kids. See what happens when you bicker?

I’m sure a win by a Southern Baptist preacher would be a Neocon’s wet dream. For me, of course, not so much. His present-day stance on the issues pretty much tells me all I need to know, so there’s really no need to dig up dirt from days gone by. And anyway, I’m riding the blue train. Red is simply not my color. All aboard!

Still, it is interesting to note that back in 1992, when running for the Senate (unsuccessfully, as it turned out), Huckabee suggested isolating people with AIDS from the general public, opposed boosting federal funding in the search for a cure and said that he felt “homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk.”

Even though by 1992, anyone with half a brain (maybe that was the problem) knew that HIV and AIDS were not communicable to the public at large, Mikey said, “If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.”

In addition to the quarantine, he also thought it might be a fine idea, in light of the extraordinary amount already being spent on AIDS research by federal health agencies, to perhaps staunch that by asking Hollywood celebs to foot the bill for any additional funding. They do have deep pockets, after all, and he apparently felt that federal tax dollars would be better spent on other diseases. Those ones that might befall breeders as well as queers.

I’m pretty confident that by 1992 most of us were also well-aware that the disease wasn’t just a gay plague. But, then again, we’re talking about Mike Huckabee which brings us back to that “half a brain” thing, so go figure.

Of course now, under a presidential-candidate type of scrutiny, he touts that his administration will be “the first to have an overarching strategy for dealing with HIV and AIDS here in the United States, with a partnership between the public and private sectors that will provide necessary financing and a realistic path toward our goals.â€?

That’s pretty ambiguous. As far as I know, “necessary financing” means he has a plan for how best to cover the costs of quarantining and isolating the afflicted, because Lord knows that can’t be cheap!

Okay, I’ll admit that that may be cynically presumptious of me. A bit extreme, perhaps. Or a lot. Whatever. Just making a point that I find such rhetoric hard to swallow given his past history.

Still, Huckabee has yet to tackle that first hill in Iowa next month anyway, so even if he does make it to the top with an “I think I can” attitude (that boost of confidence in large part courtesy of Rudy and Mitt, in my opinion), there’s still a lot of rail left to ride.

I really don’t care which of the little red engines peaks first, frankly. It’s not all downhill after that, as there are still many more mountains to climb. I just hope in the final stretch, when the last Hill to conquer is of the Capitol variety and we’re left with only two final contenders to chug it out - one red and one blue, that the red one runs out of steam and gets its Conservative caboose kicked. Particularly if, by chance, that little engine indeed happens to be the Huckabee Express.

mike huckabee, iowa caucuses, rudy giuliani, mitt romney, election 2008, gay rights, aids/hiv, presidential election, iowa voters

I’m suggesting that Dennis Kucinich doles out the $8.99 over at talltall.com for a pair of shoe lift inserts. I’d even chip in for the S&H. Maybe if my favorite wee presidential contender were just a wee bit taller people would pay a wee bit more well-deserved attention to the guy.

I think he and Hillary pretty much see eye-to-eye, if only in the literal sense, but she certainly hasn’t had any problem garnering her fair share of attention. What’s up with that? Of course, she has breasts. If Dennis is averse to height-modifying contraptions, falsies might work just as well. Whatever it takes.

One of his shining moments at the last Democratic debate, when given the rare opportunity to speak, was when he said that, well, yeah, he was the only one of the gang on stage who voted against the Patriot Act … because he read it.

A statement which, if you recall, none of the other contestants even bothered to dispute. I guess there’s no arguing with the truth. Reading is fundamental, as we’ve all been taught, but apparently it’s also optional. BSAlert.com shows the clip of my vertically-challenged pick for Pres taking to task his fellow Commander-In-Chief hopefuls.

I guess his compatriots up there on Capitol Hill didn’t get the hint. Or maybe they simply opted to forego the refresher Reading 101 course in lieu of Advanced Ass-Kissing class. Either way, for whatever reason, the proposed Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act (H.R. 1955/S. 1959), was approved in the House with an overwhelming vote of 404 to 6. Dennis being one of the six because he, of course, reads.

Call this one Patriot Act Part Deux. Constitution? What Constitution?

Speaking last week in New York, Kucinich, when asked about his vote, said, “If you understand what this bill does, it really sets the stage for further criminalization of protest. This is the way our democracy little, by little, by little, is being stripped away from us. This bill, I believe, is a clear violation of the first amendment.â€? He referred to the bill as the “thought crime bill.”

Enter the Thought Police. Yet another Orwellian prophecy fulfilled. The bill would create a national commission to make legislative recommendations on how to prevent, disrupt and mitigate violent radicalization and homegrown terrorism. Fine. No one wants that kind of behavior, homegrown or otherwise!

However, just like Act I, this proposition is worded quite vaguely, so that those of us who may have radical or “extreme belief systems” might be monitored lest a criminal act should occur. Because I’m critical of the Bush administration, I am suspect. A homegrown terrorist just waiting to happen.

Because I have bad thoughts from time to time about the bastard and his bastardly bastard friends, I am a potential felon. If one actually reads the bill (following the example of Kucinich and his five literate homies), it is obvious that this is one of the most “blatant attacks against the Constitution yet”, to quote RogueGovernment.com.

Dennis reads a lot, apparently. As he pointed out at his little NYC get-together last week, this latest proposal is similar to another bill passed in 2006, the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act (who knew?) which also criminalized dissent.

According to that bill, anyone who engages in any activity that would interfere or cause damage to businesses engaged in animal enterprises, could be charged with a felony. This includes acts that could cause a loss of profits to the business. Screw the animals, just don’t fuck with the profits. It’s all about the money, after all. Animal rights activists, beware. Protest = Terrorism.

Only six members of the House were present for that vote. Kucinich was the only one to oppose the bill. He noted that the bill was “written in such a way as to have a chilling effect on the exercise of the constitutional rights of protest.�

We’ll have to wait and see what happens to H.R. 1955 when it makes its way to the Senate, of course. But I’d wager that the results will be similar to last month’s House vote … which means next stop, Dubya’s desk. I guess I’ll just have to work harder at thinking only good thoughts. The Thought Police cometh.

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I’m surprised that Team Bush didn’t think of this one sooner. Or maybe they did, and simply decided that it would be best to allow adequate passage of time following the big nine-eleven-aught-one calamity for a bit of that national firefighters-as-gods fervor to fade before redrafting their job descriptions, so as not to besmirch their iconic status.

Apparently enough time has now lapsed, the rewrite is complete, and new duties have been assigned. And not everyone is happy about that.

Firefighters, unlike the police, do not need those pesky warrants to enter thousands of homes each year, making them ideal candidates for nipping terrorism in the bud! Although there have been concerns raised of how this might tarnish their image with the public at large, and may, just perhaps, infringe on people’s privacy, firefighters in major cities around the country are being trained to don their terrorist-spotting helmets for the sake of homeland security. Hey, since they are already there, why not have a look around the place?

As part of the program, which started last December, Homeland Security gave secret clearances (surprise!) to nine New York fire chiefs, according to The Associated Press, to be on the lookout for and report anything even hinting at terrorism to the appropriate authorities.

“They’re really doing technical inspections, and if perchance they find something like, you know, a bunch of RPG (rocket-propelled grenade) rounds in somebody’s basement, I think it’s a no-brainer,” said Jack Tomarchio, a senior official in Homeland Security’s intelligence division.

Come to find out, the How To Spot A Terrorist training classes have already been on the agenda for ladder and engine companies at firehouses across the country for the last few years. I guess now it’s just officially sanctioned and governmentally promoted.

Mike German, national security policy counsel to the ACLU and former FBI agent, said the concept is dangerously similar to the Bush administration’s proposal in 2002 to have the mailman, cable guy, TV repairman, or anyone with access to private homes, report suspicious behavior to the FBI. “Americans universally abhorred that idea,” German said.

The ACLU is taking the position that using firefighters as intelligence agents is just another step in the same direction that has been taken since Sept. 11, 2001, in which our privacy rights have been violated and taken away. I tend to agree.

Firstly, I would like to think that any firefighter worth his weight in water, whether or not officially trained in terrorist detection, should probably have the common sense to consider reporting, post haste, any happened-upon stockpile of grenades.

Secondly, if The Anarchist Cookbook is the coffee-table book of choice, particularly if excessively bookmarked and dog-eared, I’d hope that there might be an urgent FYI call patched through to someone who might need to be aware of such things. Sometimes you don’t need no schoolin’ to know when things just ain’t quite right.

Of course, the classes do educate about other, less-obvious things that should be considered suspect as well. Things to look for that, without appropriate training, would probably go unnoticed.

Things that we all might also want to keep in mind before dialing 911 in case a future kitchen mishap results in an out-of-control grease fire.

Even if rocket-propelled grenades have been well-hidden, and inappropriate reading material has been stashed, keep in mind that your hose-wielding savior may well be looking for other, subtle indications of terroristic propensity. Behaviors, for example, that the government would classify as “signs of planning and support for terrorism.”

KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER:

- Be nice. Welcome them warmly into your burning home. If they ask you to unkink the hose, do so. Perhaps follow up by offering them a beverage after the conflagration has been extinguished. They are taught to be alert for a person who is “hostile or uncooperative”.

- Be patriotic. Wave an American flag if one is handy, being careful not to fan the flames, of course. If that’s not an option, burst into song, any patriotic anthem will do. They’ve also learned to pick up on anyone “expressing hate or discontent with the United States.”

- No picture-taking. Resist the urge to take snapshots or video to later upload to your MySpace page. “Still and video cameras” are definitely considered highly suspect. Best to probably squirrel away the cams with the grenade stash ahead of time.

- Be sure your home is well-furnished. If it’s not, you’ll probably be better off to just let the place succumb to the flames. If the fire guys show up and find you have “little or no furniture other than a bed or a mattress”, you’ll no doubt be deemed a potential national threat.

Just some pointers. Better safe than sorry.

homeland security, bush administration, firefighters, terrorism, terrorists, national security, aclu, mike german, jack tomarchio

In case you haven’t heard, the United States Bridge Federation bigwigs have now made nice with the players on the US Venice Cup world championship bridge team. Yep, there truly is a federation, there really is a cup, and we actually have a team. (Who knew? Live and learn, I guess.) With such sharply honed card-playing skills, team America earned a spot at the table in Shanghai for the mother of all global bridging competitions … and won. USA! USA! We are the champions of the world! At least in the card-playing world. We seem to have had somewhat less success in dissimilar global contests as of late, so this is one victory well worth celebrating. You go, girls!

You’d have thunk that the esteemed federation would have been as proud as a peacock. Turns out, well, not so much. One of the four champs had a Natalie Maines moment during the award acceptance ceremony, holding up a sign (actually, a Magically Markered defaced menu) upon which had been scrawled “We Did Not Vote For Bush.”

That didn’t go over so well. The foursome was shortly thereafter threatened with sanctions by the top dogs in the world of bridge! Sanctions! A one-year suspension from federation events, including the World Bridge Olympiad next year in Beijing (no, not that!), a one-year probation after proposed suspension, 200 hours of community service to further the interests of organized bridge, and an apology drafted by the federation’s lawyer.

Oh yeah, and a written statement ratting out who came up with that bright idea in the first place. Pretty much everything short of wearing one of them there ankle bracelet monitor thingys.

According to this article in the New York Times, the perpetrator, one Debbie Greenberg, said she decided to flash her sanction-warranting sign after being questioned by players from other countries about American interrogation techniques, the war in Iraq and other various and sundry foreign policy issues.

“There was a lot of anti-Bush feeling, questioning of our Iraq policy and about torture,� Ms. Greenberg said. “I can’t tell you it was an overwhelming amount, but there were several specific comments, and there wasn’t the same warmth you usually feel at these events.�

Really? Go figure. I can’t imagine why.

Still, like I said, it’s all cool now. According to the USBF website, despite fellow bridge players deluging the feds’ inboxes with emails accusing the ladies of treason and sedition (damn, these people are more hardcore than we poker players!), they “have resolved all issues relating to events that occurred at the closing ceremony of the 2007 World Bridge Championship in Shanghai. We all believe that it is in the best interests of bridge to put this behind us so that we can focus on playing the game we love.”

Thank goodness they were able to resolve their differences in the best interest of bridge. As long as at future events the team is disallowed simultaneous access to Magic Markers and menus, all should go smoothly. By the way, if you didn’t check out the New York Times’ link above, do so now. Doesn’t contestant four, far right, look exactly like Ray Romano in drag?

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I watched the rebroadcast of last week’s CNN Democratic debate over the weekend. (Why, I don’t know … other than I have no social life.) In watching the encore presentation, it seemed even more apparent that the audience participation segment was nothing more than a blatantly scripted sham. Pathetically obvious, and not particularly well-directed by the CNN powers that be. So poorly done, in fact, that I’m rather surprised they would have chosen to air it a second time.

One especially disappointing performance: LaShannon Spencer (the one with the big purple cape around her neck … quite an accent piece.) I hope she didn’t quit her day job, because the fledgling actress was certainly less than stellar the other night, no doubt much to the dismay of the CNN producers charged with casting the roles of Undecided Voters. She may have aced the audition, but when it came time for her limelight debut, she flubbed big time. In a brain fart moment, when given mike time by CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux, she totally missed what was supposed to the be the point of her assigned question. She started promisingly enough …

“We constantly hear health care questions, and questions pertaining to the war. But we don’t hear questions pertaining to the Supreme Court justice or education. My question is, if you are elected president, what qualities must the appointee possess?”

… but under pressure forgot to bring up that whole abortion rights, Roe v. Wade vote thing. And on live TV! No second takes. Thank goodness, Suzanne (pronounced with the classier “ah”) Malveaux was still standing by, her improvisational acting prowess saving the day. Theatrical disaster averted. Perhaps a bit awkwardly, but at least she got the storyline back on track so that we, the viewers, would not miss what was intended to be a key plot point.

After duly reiterating and directing the question to Christopher Dodd, she managed to clarify what Ms. Spencer really meant to ask by adding whether or not he would “require nominees to support abortion rights.”

Whew! Close call, that was. Dialogue back on track. A textbook-worthy example to all aspiring cable news talking head wannabes on how to handle a would-be debacle on live television. In fact, I was so impressed with Malveaux’s adroit handling of the situation, I thought I might peruse the official CNN transcript in order to better-appreciate such fine work.

But, wait … dagnabbit! Apparently the network’s own transcriptionist wasn’t able to document that particular exchange, including Malveaux’s savvy save, due to all of the crosstalk. From the published CNN transcript:

(CROSSTALK) DODD: First of all, thanks for your question …

Readers of the CNN.com transcript who may have missed the live performance might wonder … what was the question? Whaaa…? Because the question, well, just isn’t there. Damned crosstalk! Fortunately not all political pundits are quite so hearing-impaired as the hosting network’s own recordkeeper. Others were, surprisingly enough, indeed able to hear and report for posterity the dialogue in its entirety, in spite of all of the crosstalking mayhem.

Sarcasm aside, the situation was so appallingly handled by Suzanne Malveaux that I wonder if CNN simply decided to do some selective editing of the official transcript. Because really, it does kind of make them look rather stupid. Particularly with veteran reporter Malveaux on the scene.

For the most part, the majority of the audience members nailed their lines, although I think a few may have stumbled a bit. A teleprompter might have come in handy. Most recovered fairly well, however. Overall, I’d give the second act two stars … except, of course, for LaShannon, who may never act in Vegas again.

At least Maria Luisa, in the role of final questioner, didn’t falter! You know, the one who asked the “diamonds or pearls” question of Hillary Clinton. She came through like a pro, despite the fact that this was an apparent last-minute script change by CNN due to time constraints. But all performers have their critics, and she has apparently been taking a lot of flack for the frivolous nature of the question. Hey, y’all, back off! She was just following the director’s orders! That’s what great actors do.

As reported here by The Atlantic’s Marc Ambinder, according to Ms. Luisa, every question asked during the debate by the audience had to be approved by CNN. She was asked to add some lighthearted and fun questions to the mix. Originally, it seems, TPTB had decided to weed out the frivolous, and instead approved Luisa’s prefered question, regarding the nuclear dump that is Yucca Mountain, an issue that she truly thought important.

Unfortunately, time ran short, and according to an excerpt from her MySpace page:

“CNN ran out of time and used me to close the debate with the pearls/diamonds question. Seconds later this girl comes up to me and says, ‘you gave our school a bad reputation.’ Well, I had to explain to her that every question from the audience was pre-planned and censored … See, the media chose what they wanted, not what the people or audience really wanted.”

The media pre-planning and censoring questions? Really? Well, surprise, surprise!

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Promises, promises. CNN moderator Wolf “Grizzly Adams” Blitzer at the Democratic debate in Las Vegas the other night:

“Everyone’s going to get time tonight. Don’t worry. We got a lot of time. Go ahead.” And later, just to make it perfectly clear, “Let me just point out, everyone’s going to have plenty of time tonight … we’ll bring everybody in, I promise.”

Okay, I suppose technically the razor-phobic Master of Ceremonies did live up to his word. All Democratic free-world-leader-wannabes were indeed given their time on the soapbox. Obama had his eighteen minutes. Clinton had her sixteen. Hell, even Richardson was allowed over fourteen minutes of stiffly delivered speechifying, topping Edwards’ eleven! How that happened, I have no idea.

My new bud Dennis Kucinich, though, got … five minutes. All right, it was nearly five and a half. Still coming up short (pun intended) to even Dodd and Biden, who respectively were permitted seven and nine minutes of chat time.

Nothing new, I guess. It seems that in every debate, Kucinich is routinely dismissed, although he consistently makes the most sense when given a chance to speak. I am becoming increasingly committed to tossing my hat into the DK camp when the primaries roll around. I will subsequently, no doubt, then have to decide whether to join the Clinton or Obama parade, but at least I’ll know I tried.

CNN’s debate moderators suck. Wolf in particular. I’d like to, just once, see a forum of potential candidates, each given the opportunity to respond to every question, given equal time, and not simply a parody of a debate such as what was aired the other night.

If for nothing else, Kucinich deserves props for snagging a hot wife, half his age and twice as tall. With a tongue stud, no less. Go, Dennis! Maybe those moderator guys asking the questions are just a wee bit jealous. You’ve got to hand it to the little dude, he got game. It’s just too bad he’s usually benched when it comes to these presidential competitions.

At least, when given the rare opportunity to speak last Thursday night, Kucinich did make the most of his limited time, as is summarily presented in the following video compilation of the man-who-should-be-president’s rationed participatory comments.

On a final note, I should probably apologize for being so critical of CNN and Mr. Blitzer. After all, had Kucinich been allowed to ramble on, there may not have been enough time at the end of the program for Hillary to respond to the question that we all desperately wanted answered … diamonds or pearls?

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Today is Veterans Day, a day to pay homage to the servicemen and servicewomen who have fought and sacrificed life and limb to make this nation the shining beacon of freedom and hope that is America. God bless, and hats off to the brave and willing, both past and present, who have proven their mettle by protecting us and the rest of the world from the bad guys.

There have always been and no doubt always will be a handful of maniacal leaders in the world who certainly need to be dealt with (I’ll let that and succeeding observations go for now.) But we as a nation are always prepared, ready to step in and deal accordingly with their respective threats. History has proven that the bad-guy leaders of nations are ruthless and take no prisoners (or sometimes they do, I guess, depending on the circumstance) while attempting to achieve their ultimate malevolent goals. Our role, as global superpower, is to effectively intercede and show other power-hungry chieftains that their wicked agendas will not be tolerated! I mean, seriously, if they are killing people to achieve a political objective or to advance an ideology, they are nothing but evil.

No, wait, I can’t take credit for that last profoundly insightful sentence. I wish I could, but I wouldn’t want to plagiarize our Commander in Chief. That could possibly result in rather harsh penalties, perhaps up to and including waterboarding, and whether that qualifies as torture or not (apparently the jury is still out … Mukasey doesn’t even know), I’ll have none of it! So I’ll give credit where credit is due. Well said, Mr. Bush, well said indeed. Truer words have never been spoken. Those who condone killing people to achieve a political objective or to advance an ideology are indeed evil. For once we agree.

Yes, believe it or not, George W. Bush actually uttered those words. Apparently even the mentally ill and delusional have occasional periods of lucidity. It’s just too bad he didn’t have that epiphany pre-March 2003.

He shared these words of wisdom this past Thursday in San Antonio, at a ritzy Republican fundraiser just after having duly visited the Center for the Intrepid at Brooke Army Medical Center in recognition of Veterans Day. Curiously and somewhat morbidly enough, he had the nerve to make this statement as part of his speech in defense of the US war against and subsequent occupation of Iraq after having just personally met with his maimed, mutilated, burned, disfigured, injured, pick your adjective victims. Although, I guess technically, he did have some wiggle room, since those with whom he met hadn’t actually been killed for achievement or advancement of any political objective or ideology. They had just had their limbs and faces blown off. Still, the oxymoronic incongruity of his words was apparently lost on an audience of ardent admirers. Not surprisingly, I suppose. Sheeple seldom understand irony. I’m sure he received an enthusiastic round of bleating.

Whatever. As disgusted as I was when I read that, not to mention my infuriation when hearing AWOL-Bush’s Veterans Day radio address and reading asshole Five-Time-Dodger-Cheney’s speech at Arlington National Cemetery today praising the valor and bravery of those that serve, the thing that was most appalling was this: Dubya had just spent hours with those whom he and his band of brothers (and sister, too … don’t want to neglect Condi) had needlessly fucked up by sending them into the quagmire of Iraq, and then shortly thereafter was front and center delivering a speech in defense of the war. How does this gang sleep at night? How can George Bush in good conscience, after having just witnessed firsthand the human devastation that he has wrought, stand up and spew the same old crap rhetoric in a weak, but apparently effective, attempt to justify his unwarranted and illegal (not-quite-so-accomplished) mission in Iraq which was based on deliberate lies and intentional deception?

It was, I suppose, simply another most excellent photo op. Strike a Presidential pose and smile for the camera, job well done. Now there’s one mission accomplished! To all (or most) of the veterans, thank you. To George W. Bush, I hope you have nightmares.

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My political archrival and commentor Mark Karr submitted this noteworthy link, in response to my previous Cheney-impeachment post. I’m glad he did. It was, in fact, a fine footnote to the article, justifying my expressed disenchantment with my own Democratic party. Of course, I could counter with similar switchback rhetoric from the rival side, too. Here’s a speech from the Dick himself apropos of Iraq, since he was, after all, the subject of the article and impetus for Mark’s comment. Just leveling the playing field. But Mark certainly made some valid points.

Political pandering, from either side, gets on my nerves, hence my proclivity to espouse the Kucinich manifesto per my previously referenced column. He doesn’t play that game. Of course, I certainly don’t want to waste a vote and give the NeoCons another turn at bat. That would suck. And, although runners-up to the little dude in my personal polling results (I sometimes talk to myself), I also like the woman in the pantsuit, the black guy sans flag-pinned lapel, and the man with the expensive hairdo, too. So they’re still in the game. Whichever one I think is most likely to win will be my candidate of choice, since I certainly don’t want to Naderize the end result. Still, I hope that Dennis will become a Menace within the Dem-squad. Miracles do happen.

Just look at Ron Paul, on the other side of the political fence. He stood no chance in hell, but lo and behold, he’s suddenly a contender!

Finally picking up steam and gaining some much-needed support in his campaign for the White House, even setting a one-day fundraising record. Talk about coming from behind! Now, if only Dennis can rally such support. I’ve said it before, it pains me to even begin to think of myself championing anyone with a suffixed (R) behind his name. Perish the thought! It’s actually quite distressing to even consider. But as I have previously, candidly confessed, I really, really like this guy. At least I’m not the sole liberal giving Paul props, of course. As the video in an earlier post corroborates, even my outspoken liberal compadre Bill Maher is a fan. Ron Paul simply makes sense.

And he hasn’t, doesn’t, won’t, under any circumstances, buckle to political pressure. He is extraordinarily steadfast and consistent. He and Kucinich have a lot in common in that respect. And, frankly, I agree with Paulie on pretty much all of the issues, too. Not such a surprise, really, considering that before committing to Republicanism, he ran as the Libertarian candidate for president in ‘88, and as it turned out, my test results put me in the Libertarian camp as well. I’m quite sure that the only reason he’s running as a Republican instead of Libertarian is that he knows, as do we all, that it really comes down to one of two parties that have any chance of coming out on top.

I can only hope that Kucinich will at some point garner a Ron Paul-like surge of support. I would like to be able to vote for him and know that it was a chad worthily punched. If not, I’ll probably go with Hillary, Barack or John. Or possibly Ron. There, I said it. Yikes.

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Just the other day I was bitching about my pussy-whipped fellow Dems for not taking any action to depose the despots in DC. Then today, enter the little man with the big balls.

I’ll eat crow when I have to. So I’ll admit, I have on more than one occasion been rather unkind to the diminutive fellow who would be President, Dennis Kucinich. I have been rather dismissive of the guy, but not because I don’t like him. In fact, I’ve also said that I think he makes the most sense. I agree with virtually his entire platform. It’s just that I haven’t really considered the possibility of him having a chance in hell of being a finalist in the competition, so I’ve been concentrating on the three front-runners.

Then, yesterday on Capitol Hill, stood Dennis Kucinich officially calling for the impeachment of one Richard B. Cheney. Huzzah! Even if tippy-toeing to clear the podium on the House floor, here was someone, at last, taking a stand and proclaiming the need to excise the first, and most dangerous, of the two malignancies that have been allowed to aggressively spread for far too long. Cliff’s Notes version (well, my synopsis, not so much Cliff’s) of House Resolution 333, Articles of Impeachment Relating to Vice President Richard B. Cheney, a paraphrase of my elfin hero:

“Despite all evidence to the contrary, Richard Cheney had purposely manipulated the intelligence process to deceive the citizens and the Congress by fabricating a threat of Iraqi weapons of mass destruction to justify the use of the US armed forces against the nation of Iraq in a manner damaging to our national security. Preceding the invasion of Iraq, was fully informed that no legitimate evidence existed of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The vice president pressured the intelligence community to change their findings to enable the deception of the citizens and the Congress.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, manipulated the intelligence process to deceive the citizens and the Congress about an alleged relationship between Iraq and Al Qaida in order to justify the use of United States armed forces against the nation of Iraq in a manner damaging to our national security. Preceding the March 2003 invasion of Iraq, was fully informed that no credible evidence existed of a working relationship between Iraq and Al Qaida, a fact articulated in several official documents.

Despite no evidence that Iran has the intention or the capability of attacking the United States, and despite the turmoil created by the United States’s invasion of Iraq, openly threatened aggression against the Republic of Iran, absent any real threat to the United States, and has done so with the United States’s proven capability to carry out such threats, thus undermining the national security interests of the United States.”

Now if only my party pals will support the resolution. Likely? I’m not getting my hopes up, but at least it’s finally on the table. I’m afraid most will continue to prefer idle chatter instead of actually taking any action, lest they step on unfriendly toes. But at least it will go down in history that someone in Congress took the initiative to publicly recognize and attempted to eradicate the corruption that defined the US of A under the Bush-Cheney administration.

As an aside, I am increasingly impressed with Mr. Kucinich’s consistency on the issues, without pandering to the dissenting, without flip-flopping or spinning rhetoric to appease the noncommital, unlike his competing candidates. I can only hope that things may change, and he might in the end be a contender, although I’m pretty sure that’s still pretty iffy.

He may not be the biggest man, but he sure as hell has the biggest balls. The rest of the Democrats need to grow some. That includes Hillary, although the pantsuits might require some customized tailoring.

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Prez George W. Bush and Veep Dick B. Cheney clearly need to be institutionalized. I’m not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on TV, but it doesn’t take doc smarts to make that diagnosis. The behavioral symptoms of the two-headed monster obviously indicate clinical psychosis. As summarily defined by our friends Merriam and Webster: PSYCHOSIS - “Fundamental derangement of the mind (as in schizophrenia) characterized by defective or lost contact with reality especially as evidenced by delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized speech and behavior.”

Well, there you have it. No need for a second opinion. Even I am able to call this one, sans medical credentials or framed diplomas. Forget impeachment, that’s probably a pipe dream anyway. The Democrats won’t do anything, haven’t stepped up to the plate to even bunt, much less hit a home run, and no doubt have no intention of doing so, despite their Bush-bashing rhetoric. They have disappointed, big time. Even a base hit would have been appreciated. A little less talk and a lot more action, maybe?

Instead, the war of words, Dems vs. Commander-in-Chief and cronies, has proven to be about as successful as BushCo’s own wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. So because of my impotent and spineless fellow party members, the Mad Cowboy-Hatter with dick in tow still has free reign, sucking us all deeper into the cesspool of warmongering insanity. Next stop before going down the drain, Iran.

Rattle the sabers and beat the drums! Watch out, Mahmoud, here we come. Why? Um, well, because … that’s a stupid question. Madmen need no reason. They make shit up, and all subordinate lemmings of patriotic citizenry are expected to, and usually do, follow blindly.

Needless, pointless, unwarranted hundreds of billions of dollars spent (tallying continues) and hundreds of thousands of dead folks sacrificed for the worthy cause that is Iraq isn’t enough to appease these psychos. The game hasn’t gone as well as planned, and being sore losers, their dementia takes control and they decide that now might be a fine time to start a new game. Never mind that we’re already running short on game pieces.

Quiz time. Why should Iran be our next wargames-marathon opponent? Multiple choice again, kind of like in Iraq: WMDs, Hussein-Bin Laden collusion … nope and nope. Regime change, well, that happened, but now it’s even worse, if that’s possible. Iraqi Freedom? Please, give me a break. Spreading democracy? That certainly has not worked out so well, despite all of the purple fingers. Nothing really stuck there, no correct answer to the question “why”, in spite of multiple choices. Maybe they’ll have better luck with Iran. So here are your options for this round of play. Cast your vote for the best reason to shock and awe yet another oil-pumping country.

A - Last week’s Bush-babble: “If you’re interested in avoiding World War III … you ought to be interested in preventing Iran from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.”

(Knowledge is a threat? We not only know how to make, we do make. If anyone could start WWIII it would be, well, never mind … don’t want to give the insane any crazy ideas. It’s probably too late, anyway.)

B - Sunday’s Cheney-chatter: warning of “the Iranian regime’s efforts to destabilize the Middle East and to gain hegemonic power … we cannot stand by as a terror-supporting state fulfills its most aggressive ambitions.”

(I had to look up hegemonic. Apparently being delusional does not preclude one from possessing a highly-developed vocabulary.)

C - Tuesday’s Bush-blather: insisted on the need “to defend Europe against the emerging Iranian threat.”

(What? Who knew Iran is a major threat to Europe? Is Ahmadinejad mad at anyone in Europe? As far as I know, not really so much. Even if he was, what would he do … nuke’em with that missile that he doesn’t have? Come on, definite lunacy behind this one. Only crazy people would consider something like that.)

Is it unconstitutional to commit the country’s leaders to an accredited mental health facility for treatment against their will? Now there’s an amendment I would fully support, because these two psychos could apparently use some professional help. A lobotomy would be an excellent start. I’m sure the rest of the world would thank us.

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As I write this, we’re taking the first of three bathroom breaks scheduled for tonight’s two-hour Democratic debate. Even presidential candidates apparently have to occassionally pee. Who knew? They’re done now, I hear Tim Russert asking the next question. I’ll be back.

All righty then, we’re at break number two. So far, so good. What is so clearly obvious is that the three real candidates are receiving the most questions, and are also positioned front and center. We’ve got Chris Dodd and Joe Biden stage left, and Dennis Kucinich and Bill Richardson stage right.

Center stage is, of course, John, Hillary and Barack. No surnames required for the stars of the show. Think Cher.

At the third break, I myself had to take a time out to visit the little boys’ room, so now the debate is over, and the media analysis has begun. I’ve switched channels, not so interested in others’ opinions after this one. I think the winner of this round is clearly Barack. At least amongst the three leading stars of the show. I have decided that I do like Keebler Elf Dennis Kucinich, I really do, but he doesn’t stand a chance in hell of winning the nomination. He may have made the most sense of anyone else on stage tonight, from what little we heard from the tiny man, but keeping it real, we all know it’s going to come down to one of the three major players. I think in this evening’s debate, Barack decidedly came out on top.

I was rooting for Hillary, and I know she leads in the polls, but her lackluster performance tonight was a bit disappointing. I still like her, and would like to see a woman as President, and will support her if she makes it through the primaries. But for now, I’m siding with the black dude.

The complete transcript is here in case you missed it. Hillary did stumble quite a bit, but then again, the big boys were pushing her around. I’m sure it was hard for her to keep her footing.

Of course I missed elimination night of Dancing With The Stars. I’ll have to check online now to see who was voted off … I hope it wasn’t Jane. Fingers crossed.

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