Current Events Watch

Keep those young Kentucky fingers crossed, boys and girls! The freaks, geeks and fuglies may wish to cross their toes as well, for good measure.

If the House Education Committee has its way, the days of being picked on, pushed around, beaten up and beaten down will soon come to an end.

The HEC unanimously approved an anti-bullying bill last week that, if given thumbs up by the Kentucky Legislature in the House and Senate, would curb the harassment, intimidation and plain old-fashioned schoolyard bullying.

It’s a fine plan, I read it. They’re calling it The Golden Rule Act.

Very straightforward, it is. It establishes a code of acceptable behavior, provides for training of teachers on how to deal, includes procedures empowering victims to report without fear of retaliation, and defines the proper comeuppance for offenders. All in all, I’d give it an A+.

There could be a bit of a bump in the road, however. A big bump, actually. A ginormous speedbump called the Republican-controlled Senate.

Similar previous versions of the bill have also been passed by the Democratically-controlled House, only to be shot down once reaching the floor of the Senate. Why, one might wonder?

Ah, here’s your answer. Idiot-at-large Senate President David Williams worries that if passed, the legislation could be used as “an excuse for the addition of curriculum concerning aberrant behavior.”

For those not fluent in Neoconese, aberrant = homosexual. FYI.

He’s concerned that if passed, the bill might be used to “teach curriculum that people aren’t interested in like homosexual, same-sex marriage sort of things like that.”

Perhaps I should re-read the bill. Maybe I missed something. Chat amongst yourselves.

Hmmm, nope. Nary reference to anything remotely suggesting the inclusion of Aberrancy 101 into the curriculum.

Of course, Williams himself said he hasn’t read the bill yet. How he has then jumped to such wacky conclusions, Lord only knows. There’s really no explaining the misfiring synapses of the Republican mind.

But one must never lose hope. Who knows? Maybe this time the planets will align, hell will freeze over, Republicans will experience a rare moment of lucidity, and all four-eyed, pizza-faced, metal-mouthed fatties down Kentucky way can breathe a collective sigh of relief. It could happen.

anti-bullying law, kentucky anti-bullying, david williams, kentucky senate, gay agenda, homosexual agenda

You learn something new every day. For instance, today I learned all about papal bulls. For the sake of the ignorant, a papal bull is a decree to all of Christendom by God’s one and only earthly ambassador and ordained talking head, the pope. Who knew?

Admittedly, there will probably be few occasions that this knowledge might come in handy. Papal chat doesn’t tend to crop up often within my social circle, but you never know. If someone does perchance ask about papal bulls, though, I’m all set.

Such edicts, with ostensibly the Most High’s stamp of approval, must not be confused, however, with papal bullshit.

The Holy See may be God’s hired hand, but from time to time one is reminded that when off the clock he’s really just a guy with a pointy hat, one foot in the grave and at least a smidgen of dementia.

Kicking off the new year, Pope Benny today, in his first public address of 2008 to the doting faithful, warned that same-sex marriage is, of all things, a threat to world peace! Thank God I’m not the marrying kind, I’d hate to have to have to bear that burden.

The spiritual leader of the scarily preponderant Catholic population called for support of traditional families defined as, of course, that oh-so-sacred union between a man and a woman, saying that any attempts to undermine said traditional family threatens the very foundations of global peace.

“I wanted to shed light on the direct relationship that exists between the family and peace in the world,” he blathered.

Whatever, crazy old dude. Consider those currently wreaking global havoc hither and thither. Nary a flamer amongst them. And George Bush? Suitably married with duly begotten offspring, yet unquestionably the current greatest threat to whirled peas. Straight as an arrow, I’m assuming. Last time I checked, Laura still had a smile on her face.

So it’s not our fault, we didn’t do it. Quit blaming us for everything. Just let us be, and go back to playing dress-up. As an aside, the hat is fabulous!

And by the way, why is it “papal” and not “popal?”

pope benedict, gay marriage, pope new year’s speech, world peace

Mike Huckabee. Until recently, a name not often recognized, a face probably even less so. Now it seems that the little engine that couldn’t is beginning to pick up some Conservative steam, and may prove to actually be capable of chugging alongside the bigger locomotives (or should I say, “loco motives” … we are talking about Republicans, after all) in the race to the summit of that Iowan Caucus hill come January.

In particular, the trainwreck of Engines 911 and LDS at last month’s Republican YouTube debate seems to have given the struggling Huckabee Express a chance to do some catching up.

It’s not like Giuliani and Romney have totally derailed, by any means. But their distracting, non-stop, childish fray at the debate certainly gave Huckabee a great opportunity to distinguish himself from the pack by actually behaving like a grown-up. One that might be worth listening to after all.

So the Republicans began to think that perhaps this little engine’s coal might be worth stoking. Yikes. Thanks, kids. See what happens when you bicker?

I’m sure a win by a Southern Baptist preacher would be a Neocon’s wet dream. For me, of course, not so much. His present-day stance on the issues pretty much tells me all I need to know, so there’s really no need to dig up dirt from days gone by. And anyway, I’m riding the blue train. Red is simply not my color. All aboard!

Still, it is interesting to note that back in 1992, when running for the Senate (unsuccessfully, as it turned out), Huckabee suggested isolating people with AIDS from the general public, opposed boosting federal funding in the search for a cure and said that he felt “homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk.”

Even though by 1992, anyone with half a brain (maybe that was the problem) knew that HIV and AIDS were not communicable to the public at large, Mikey said, “If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.”

In addition to the quarantine, he also thought it might be a fine idea, in light of the extraordinary amount already being spent on AIDS research by federal health agencies, to perhaps staunch that by asking Hollywood celebs to foot the bill for any additional funding. They do have deep pockets, after all, and he apparently felt that federal tax dollars would be better spent on other diseases. Those ones that might befall breeders as well as queers.

I’m pretty confident that by 1992 most of us were also well-aware that the disease wasn’t just a gay plague. But, then again, we’re talking about Mike Huckabee which brings us back to that “half a brain” thing, so go figure.

Of course now, under a presidential-candidate type of scrutiny, he touts that his administration will be “the first to have an overarching strategy for dealing with HIV and AIDS here in the United States, with a partnership between the public and private sectors that will provide necessary financing and a realistic path toward our goals.”

That’s pretty ambiguous. As far as I know, “necessary financing” means he has a plan for how best to cover the costs of quarantining and isolating the afflicted, because Lord knows that can’t be cheap!

Okay, I’ll admit that that may be cynically presumptious of me. A bit extreme, perhaps. Or a lot. Whatever. Just making a point that I find such rhetoric hard to swallow given his past history.

Still, Huckabee has yet to tackle that first hill in Iowa next month anyway, so even if he does make it to the top with an “I think I can” attitude (that boost of confidence in large part courtesy of Rudy and Mitt, in my opinion), there’s still a lot of rail left to ride.

I really don’t care which of the little red engines peaks first, frankly. It’s not all downhill after that, as there are still many more mountains to climb. I just hope in the final stretch, when the last Hill to conquer is of the Capitol variety and we’re left with only two final contenders to chug it out - one red and one blue, that the red one runs out of steam and gets its Conservative caboose kicked. Particularly if, by chance, that little engine indeed happens to be the Huckabee Express.

mike huckabee, iowa caucuses, rudy giuliani, mitt romney, election 2008, gay rights, aids/hiv, presidential election, iowa voters

Last August the bosses, aka the Board of Trustees, at Florida’s Palm Beach Community College came to the conclusion that it was simply not appropriate to extend health care benefits to the domestic partners of its homo worker bees.

Despite the fact that it wouldn’t have cost the school one additional thin dime, and that many of the nation’s largest corporations, including other universities and colleges, offer health insurance for their employees’ same-sex better halves, it apparently just seemed wrong somehow, I guess. Proposal rejected. Coverage denied. Judgement against the defendants, case closed. Next!

Fast forward to the present. What a difference a few weeks makes! Now those same folks seem to finally be coming to their senses. No, that boy-worker’s life partner still won’t be granted co-pay-only status at the doc’s office. He’s still full price because he’s a he. Get real. But, to give the bigwigs credit for at least taking a step in the right direction, they have determined that anyone who works for the college … anyone, even the queers … will have the option to enroll their pets in the college’s healthcare plan!

Via payroll deduction the cost will hardly be noticeable, and you can rest assured that your loyal companion’s health care needs will be covered, come what may. As long as the dependant is of the four-legged variety, of course. You’re bipedal significant other, no matter how loyal, if genitally similar to yourself will still have to fend for him or her self, I suppose. SOL there.

But your dogs, cats, even hedgehogs, frogs, guinea pigs, geckos, iguanas and sugar gliders (they are cute, I have to admit) are eligible for coverage, and will be well taken care of if in need of medical attention. Well, that’s certainly a weight lifted from the shoulders, no doubt. Too bad about that boyfriend or girlfriend, though. Maybe if they spent more time on all fours? Okay, we won’t go there.

Deidre Newton, a PBCC alumnus who is now VP of the Palm Beach County Human Rights Council called the decision an outrage. “While many pet owners consider their dogs and cats part of their families, there is a basic disconnect when an employer will insure an employee’s pet but not an employee’s partner.”

And Deidre’s boss, council president Rand Hoch, concurs. “The only distinction I can see is one covers human beings in committed relationships, and the other covers animals in committed relationships.”

I adore my dog. He is loyal, loving and certainly benefits-worthy. If I happened to be on the PBCC payroll, I’d probably say “sign me up!” On the other hand, I also adore my (imaginary) boyfriend and life-partner (fantasy name) Drake. He, too, is loyal, loving and you would think would also be benefits-worthy. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. He wouldn’t qualify for coverage, even though he does hump my leg from time to time (God, I have a vivid imagination!) I like being single, but it’s fun to pretend every now and then. And Drake never gets sick, so it’s probably a moot point anyway.

domestic partners, same sex partners, domestic partner benefits, gay rights, health care benefits

Remember Iranian President Ahmadinejad’s recent homily and Q&A campus-session at Columbia University? Mahmoud delivered quite the performance for students and faculty. Crazy people can be entertaining. If nothing else, his much-publicized dissertation almost makes fellow world leader George Bush appear to be somewhat sane, rational and levelheaded. Almost. Okay, nah, that might be too much of a stretch. Never mind.

Crazy, yes, but Mahmoud also showed that he has a knack for comedy as well. From time to time, his inner stand-up comic could not be suppressed and would blurt a zany one-liner, much to the delight of the audience. There were several similarly noteable comedic moments, but this classic gem is the one that certainly garnered the most media attention. From the transcript:

PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD: In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. (Laughter.) We don’t have that in our country. (Booing.) In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you that we have it. (Laughter.)

The crowd laughed, heckled, and then laughed some more. If this presidential gig doesn’t work out as planned, there will always be open mike night at the Laugh Factory. One should always have something to fall back on.

But seriously, folks …

Of course the remark was laughable because of its absolute absurdity. Right? Sorry, Mahmoud, you might want to rethink some of your material. Sometimes the audience is laughing at you, not with you. On second thought, could it possibly be true that there really is no gaiety in Iran? Well, after further investigation, it turns out he was right! He wasn’t just being a wisecracker, pulling the audience’s collective leg, after all. Nope, there really are no homosexuals in Iran. At least none amongst the living. And if a rogue flamer does perchance pop up from time to time, that offender is dealt with in short order and punished. Capitally.

Yep, Iran is indeed a gay-free zone. No joke.

During a peace conference in May between the Iranian and British parliamentaries, Mohsen Yahyavi, a high ranking Iranian politician, for the first time acknowledged that Iran’s sentence for homosexuality is the death penalty. Public hanging is apparently the method of choice.

In the meeting, Yahyavi, when questioned about the reports, responded that “gays deserve to be executed or tortured and possibly both” because, of course, Islam forbids homosexuality. So there you have it. Hang ‘em high, and Allah bless Iran! Kind of makes the radical Christian competition on this side of the pond (e.g., Fred Phelps and his band of “God Hates Fags” loonies) seem like a bunch of wusses, huh?

Well, I’ll certainly be cancelling my reservation at the Tehran Hilton, that’s for sure! Allah forbid I might get caught ogling some Middle Eastern hottie passerby. Next stop, the gallows. Not quite what I had on the agenda. And that Mahmoud stand-up routine I was hoping to catch while in town probably wouldn’t have been so funny after all, all things considered.

By the way, these two teenagers were convicted of homosexuality by Iranian authorities and subsequently, well, dealt with accordingly. I find this image very, very disturbing.

iran, ahmadinejad, homosexuality, yahyavi, gay execution

I’m torn. I’m on the fence and don’t know on which side to fall. Or to at least lean. Being a gay guy, and having personally been on the pointy end of the queer-fear stick in the workplace, I should probably support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, ENDA, whole-heartedly. I would definitely have been a gung-ho supporter of the most recently proposed bill prohibiting discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation and gender identity as originally submitted by Barney Frank, one of two Congressional (at least openly) fellow homos. But it’s the watered-down version that ultimately appears to be, at least for now, destined for the vote that I’m waffling about.

The original bill, introduced in April, and scheduled for an October 2nd vote, was postponed, after apparently several members of Congress successfully contended that by removing reference in the bill regarding the transgendered, it would be more likely pass. Just stick with the gay thing, for now. Barney seems to have buckled to that, and it may not be such a bad compromise. When you consider that in most states an employee can still be fired, denied promotion, or simply not hired if he or she is of the queer persuasion (or perceived as such), any advance in protecting our rights would seem to be a step in the right direction.

I agree.

Removing the transgender and gender identity portion of the bill, though, as Franks agreed to do with Congressional prodding, has raised the ire of most LGBT organizations, saying that exclusion of the transgendered in the final bill is unfair, as all people deserve full protection under the law against employment discrimination. No one should be prevented from making a living based on who they are.

I agree again. Hence my quandry.

As reported on 365gay.com, the collective statement from these groups:

“Our organizations oppose the removal of protections for transgender people from ENDA. We would also oppose any employment nondiscrimination bill that did not protect transgender people,” the joint statement said.

While we don’t doubt the sincerity of congressional leadership’s intent to take action and be helpful to the LGBT community, we cannot disagree more with this strategy. We will continue to work with LGBT-supportive members of Congress to urge their colleagues to immediately drop this strategy.”

The Human Rights Campaign, one of the LGBT community’s most staunch supporters, is the odd man out this time around, though. They’re decidedly on the other side of the fence from their gay rights compatriots. They obviously are contending that, as is part of my fence-straddling dilemma, that any step forward is at least a step in the right direction.

Despite Barney Frank’s compromise and support of the diluted bill, saying that the “votes are just not there” to support the bill in its original transgendered form, he is planning to propose a separate bill for transgendered rights. Okay. That might work, and even if we have to take it one step at a time, it might be worth it. And the HRC, although in support of the trans-exclusive version if that’s the best we can get, is still rallying for support to include the trannies when it comes up for a vote.

On the other hand, the exclusion of the transgendered in the proposed bill certainly doesn’t seem quite right, either. Should it be all or nothing, or should we take what we can get for now? Should we be happy with baby steps, or push for giant strides?

I’ll obviously support whichever version finally makes it to the floor, even though the issue has for now hit a temporary dead end. I just don’t know if it will be quite sufficient. Every little bit helps, though, I guess. It really probably doesn’t matter, since George Bush will no doubt veto whatever version may be passed, anyway.

By the way, about having been on the pointy end of the queer-fear stick at work that I mentioned at the beginning of this article? My stick-jabbing boss at the time has since left his wife and kids after many years, and is now happily living in DC with his boyfriend. Go figure.

gay rights, ENDA, Employment Non-Discrimination Act, Human Rights Campaign, HRC, homosexuality, Barney Frank, George Bush

I love Cathy Aubrecht, even though we’ve never met, and probably never will. Never say never, I know, but I think it’s safe to say that our paths won’t be crossing any time soon. She’s an English teacher at Hononegah High School in Rockton, IL, and I’m sitting here on my ass in Kansas City, MO. Not very likely that fate will bring us together. It’s probably better that way, I’m sure there would be something about her that would really get on my nerves, maybe even my last good one. I’m easily annoyed. So I’m happy to love her from afar, and would prefer to keep it that way. Why do I love her?

She gets it. She understands why it’s important to provide gay kids the right to meet in a “safe zone” on campus where LGBT students can discuss the issues they face with other students, both gay and straight, about gay and lesbian issues. She’s the one who proposed that the students be allowed to form a Gay-Straight Alliance at Hononegah High School. The Board of Education gave it a “thumbs up” despite the risk of a lawsuit.

Of course, there was opposition, and some moms and dads didn’t like the idea. Still, the students stood up. From 365gay.com:

“The students are aware of their legal rights, and are willing to stand up for those rights,” student Brian Carrell warned the board at a public meeting before the vote.

Go Brian!

So this is why I love Cathy, even if it is a long distance love affair. I know what it’s like to be a gay teenager, with no one to talk to, no support group. I remember. But by successfully promoting the GSA there at Hononegah High School, she very well may be saving lives, as well. LGBT youth suicide is off the charts. Of course, adolescent suicide, for any reason, is tragic. But I can assure you, many of those gay kids offing themselves do so because they feel ashamed, alone, that something must be wrong with them and that they have no one to turn to. By simply being able to freely meet with others like themselves and discuss what’s going on in their heads, to talk openly about their feelings with their peers, and to know that they’re not alone, well, that’s enough to make one at least reconsider swallowing that bottle of pills, or doing something more drastic that might leave a mess.

That’s a good thing, and the GSA is a good thing. And as for the S folks in the GSA? Well, hopefully, some of them will show up from time to time, too. It’s an alliance, after all, and understanding and respecting diversity is a step towards a more tolerant future. We Gs really aren’t all that different. Well, except for the sex thing. Other than that, though, not so much. Thanks, Cathy, and all my love to you and others like you! XOXOXOXO

gay straight alliance, gay, homosexuality, gay rights, gay youth, gay suicide

I’d bet money that even with all of the free time Larry Craig will soon have, it probably won’t be spent on the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale for a little rest and relaxation! Or whatever else he might have been inclined to add to his agenda.

Here’s why. The mayor, Jim Naugle, is on a mission to have Robo-Johns installed on the beaches, because there is just too much gay sex in the public restrooms! How he knows, I’ll leave that for you to ponder. Particularly when even the police department says that this isn’t really a problem. Last year they made one arrest in the city’s south beach restroom.

These robotic toilets are quite fancy! As they should be, I suppose, costing a quarter of a million dollars. Once you close that stall door, the clock starts … NOW! And when time is up, the door will magically, automatically fly open!! Timing is such that it apparently doesn’t allow enough time for two dudes to complete a sexual act. That’s the point. Problem solved. That gay sex on the beach problem. Once again, how he knows how long it takes for a couple of guys to “finish up” might be a question worth asking.

Just as an aside, if I was straight, no other penis within reach, and I just happened to have ordered that taco and burrito special from the concession stand earlier in the day … could I please add some time to the clock?

People do have sex in public places, everywhere, always have, always will. Inappropriate, yeah. I’ve done it, though, as have most people at one time or another. Admit it. Why the gay thing always becomes the problem topic, I don’t know. Find a guy and a girl boinking, anywhere, and the cops will say “move along.” Cops find two guys together, though, and it’s handcuffs and the back seat of a cop car. Find two girls together and, well, the cops will probably just watch. Assuming the cops are male. And straight, of course. Straight guys are weird that way, I don’t get it. Ewww.

That’s the way it goes, though. It does seem to me that this Naugle fellow protesteth too much, in a Craigish sort of way.

I think he’s probably just been turned down too many times, and doesn’t want anyone else to have boy fun if he can’t get any. “Robo-Johns will teach them a lesson! If I can’t get any, neither will they!” They being now, of course, not so much “gay.” He’s so over that gay thing, it’s such a misnomer. From GLAAD:

When Ft. Lauderdale mayor Jim Naugle first remarked that the city needed robotic toilets to prevent gay men from having sex in public restrooms over a month ago, it began a firestorm of protest from advocacy groups and garnered national media attention. Days later, he further revealed his prejudice by stating that he would use the word “homosexual” since he feels that “gay” is a misnomer since gay people are “unhappy.”

Speak for yourself, Jimmy. I’m happy. Gay, one might even say. Being in the closet, though, is indeed an unhappy place to be, isn’t it? Maybe after the Robo-Johns are in place, you might consider getting yourself a Robo-Closet. Because that door apparently needs to be opened robotically as well. “Time’s up.” Caught ya.

jim naugle, robo-johns, public sex, discrimination, homophobia

We just celebrated Labor Day! And no doubt, flipping through the channels on our day off, at some point we all happened upon the everlasting, neverending, annual Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon . Oh, my God! When will it end? I think people are sick of it already after 41 years. I remember as a kid, it was something I kind of looked forward to, back in the ’70s. We’d sit and watch, not so much to see the parade of Jerry’s Kids being wheeled onstage, but the show was entertaining. Famous comedians, famous musicians, it was more like a variety show than a charity event. At least that’s why I wanted to watch. Sorry, crippled kid, too much air time for you, I want to see Elvis!

But I was just a kid, albeit not one of Jerry’s, so cut me some slack. What did I know? Of course it’s a great cause, and I don’t intend to offend. I’m honestly all about helping other people. And as I grew older, I redeemed my lack of pre-adolescent compassion by generously tossing cash into the firemen’s boots at every intersection. I do mean every intersection. Firefighters at every corner, bearing boots. (Why boots?) I think even they are tiring of this annual charade. Every year it seems there are fewer willing to risk their welfare by standing at a busy intersection to play “catch a quarter in the boot.”

So after billions of dollars raised, where’s the cure? Or, at least, what advances in research have been accomplished? I guess once a year we might get an update, if we happen to be channel-hopping at the right time. And if we’re willing to watch long enough. I’m not. It’s torture. So, as a disclaimer, as far as I know, there may well have been massive advancements in MD research this year, and I just missed that clip. I was probably watching HBO at the time.

The entertainment element is long gone. Jerry is certainly no longer entertaining. He’s become an old, fat, babbling, nonsensical fool, who needs to give it up. And the guests that have performed on the telethon for the last many years are, well, let’s just say, definitely on the D List.

Jerry is all about “his kids”, of course, and we all know who they are. When someone asks if you’d like to help Jerry’s Kids, you know that he or she is not asking if you want to donate to the spawn of neighhbor Jerry Goldberg, two doors down.

But again, he’s become an embarrassment, in my opinion, and needs to quit. Hey, if he wants to continue the telethons, great. Go for it, but he needs to delegate the hosting duties to another. Maybe then, too, the booking agents could attract performers who actually will draw an audience.

Hopefully, he would choose a replacement who isn’t so old, or so tired, or so drunk, or so doped up, that he or she would call a kid in the audience an illiterate fag.

Watch that video clip from this weekend’s telethon here.

Yep, Jerry loves the kids! The ones on wheels, anyway. The rest are fair game for name-calling, I suppose. Still, “illiterate fag” is pretty harsh.

Maybe he was just venting after a lifetime (isn’t he, like, 90 now?) of repressing his own sexual tendencies. May I present the following for consideration. Rest in peace, Dean. Sorry to drag you into this.

jerry lewis telethon, mda telethon, labor day telethon, jerry lewis, muscular dystrophy telethon, illiterate fag

DENIAL. That’s the “River in Egypt” part of the title, of course. I know, old joke, but still relevant, and I couldn’t resist.

Twenty-dollar blow job Florida Representative Bob Allen, evangelical leader meth-head and male prostitute picker-upper Pastor Ted Haggard, and now just days after BJ Bob’s published indiscretion, enter Idaho Senator Larry Craig, trying to hook up with guys in an airport restroom.

I can’t include (former) NJ Governer Jim McGreevey in the mix, because he at least had the balls to admit he was gay after his relationship with his young, male, totally-unqualified advisor Golan Cipel was discovered. I think Cipel is kind of cute, though, so I don’t blame Jim for hiring him despite his lack of credentials. I’d have done him, too. Of course, McGreevey tried to hide it just like the rest of the gang, but when caught, he at least ‘fessed up. With wife by his side (well, ex now), so I’m cutting him some slack.

Bob, of course, was just afraid of too many black folks in the public restroom and thought it would make him somehow safer to offer $20 for, well, you know, certain services. Even though he’s as straight as an arrow. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it. Pastor Ted spent weeks denying buying meth from a male prostitute. Then, well, maybe he did buy some meth, but didn’t intend to use it, and threw it away. (That was a waste of last Sunday’s collection!) But he certainly didn’t have sex with the guy! Okay, well, maybe just a little bit. So at least he finally admitted it, even wrote a letter to his flock. A little too late, I’d think, after all the lies. But, hey, he’s all better now. And totally heterosexual! He’s got himself all fixed up and “straightened” out. Praise the Lord!

I’m sure both of their wives are so proud!

Guys, I don’t blame you for trying to hide your little secrets. The wives and kids wouldn’t be happy, I understand. Nor would your political constituents or congregations, particularly when you’re all about the sanctity of marriage, man and woman only, no gays allowed. Kind of like Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi. “No soup for you!” The thing is, I deserve soup, too. Let’s discuss it in the restroom, I’ll meet you there.

So, here we go again. Larry Craig isn’t gay, ask his wife and kids. He just has a wide stance when he poops, apparently. It’s unfortunate, then, that when nature called while at the Minneapolis airport, he made the mistake of choosing the stall next to an undercover cop.

Perhaps Craig should have taken a laxative. If you have to struggle so hard that you’re kicking the guy next door, you definitely need some Metamucil. Read on.

“Let me be clear, I am not gay, I never have been gay,” Mr. Craig said. “I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport. I did nothing wrong,” he said.

Why he pleaded guilty to the following, then, is a mystery.

The cop in the adjacent stall, the kickee, Sgt. Dave Karsnia said:

At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. … The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area.”

The report said that Craig swiped his hand beneath the stall divider several times and that Karsnia showed his police identification under the stall.

Craig told police he just has a “wide stance” in the bathroom. Well, that’s a pretty wide stance, when you find yourself playing footsie with your stallmate! Of course, he still pleaded guilty to lewd behavior after his subsequent arrest.

And the hand-swiping under the stall? Craig said he was trying to pick up a piece of paper.

“It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,” Karsnia wrote in the police report.

The toe-tapping thing, yeah, that is a signal, for those who may not be aware. Strike one. Of course, he may have just been jamming to his iPod while he was sitting on the toilet, but, nah, I doubt that. The foot intrusion into the next stall, well, that’s just wrong, and unnecessary, regardless of your stance. That’s a pretty wide stance indeed! So, strike two. And flailing your hand under the stall wall to pick up a piece of paper that isn’t there? Well, pretty obvious, so strike three. Three strikes and you’re gay.

Not to mention his history since 1982 of similar behavior. Read the “Sexual Orientation” section in the linked article. And those are only the incidents that are known. Believe me, there are many more unknowns. I speak from personal experience. (Not proud of it, just being honest.)

So no wonder he pleaded guilty. There can really be no doubt about his intentions. Whoops, never mind. He wants to take that back! He really didn’t mean to plead guilty after all. One of those spur of the moment things, I suppose.

Finally, I don’t particularly care for most cops. Especially those involved in these kind of sting operations, so I am certainly not a fan of Sgt. Dave Karsnia, either. For all I know he’s a closeted homo himself, perhaps even volunteered for the queer sting. It’s always good to enjoy your work. Bottom line is that this “breaking news” story would never have been news at all, had Larry simply chosen a different stall. Now all of his conservative, Republican friends are calling for his resignation. Rightly so, probably. Not because he likes the boys, or has a “wide stance”, I don’t care about either of those issues, but because hypocrisy should not be tolerated in our political and spiritual leaders.

So, guys, if you’re going to cruise for gay sex in a public restroom, fine. Go for it. (Word of advice, pick your stall carefully.) Just don’t condemn and publicly categorize others as evil and wrong, while striving to pass policies, laws and judgements against, well, others who are, after all, the same as your closeted selves.

P.S. Always maintain a narrow stance! A wide stance will only get you into trouble. Just ask Larry.

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My religion is better than yours. My country is better than yours. My race is better than yours. And certainly, my sexual orientation is better than yours, you pervert. You all deserve a good bombing, beating, bashing, thrashing, and in some cases, should just be eliminated altogether.

What is wrong with humankind? From ancient times to current times, it’s always been this way. And I’m not speaking about Bush, for a change. The atrocities occur from both sides of the table. War, hate crimes, you name it. It’ll never end, but it’s a shame. We’re all on this same tiny speck of a planet floating in space, which won’t last forever, by the way, all sharing the same atmosphere. I’m just saying. You’d think at some point throughout the centuries that lessons would have been learned from history, but I guess it must apparently be inherent to hate. We’ll all just need to watch our backs, whichever side of (pick an issue, any issue) we are on, because there will always be someone out to get us.

As Depeche Mode sang back in the day, so succinctly:

“People are people, so why should it be you and I should get along so awfully? So we’re different colors and we’re different creeds, and different people have different needs. It’s obvious you hate me though I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve never even met you so what could I have done?

“I can’t understand what makes a man hate another man. Help me understand.

“Now you’re punching and you’re kicking and you’re shouting at me. I’m relying on your common decency. So far it hasn’t surfaced but I’m sure it exists, it just takes a while to travel from your head to your fists.”

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Lesbians drive Subarus, gay guys drive Saturns. Both are equally likely to drive a Jeep Wrangler. While drinking a Bud Light. (Not condoning such behavior, just trying to make a point.) Subaru, Saturn, Chrysler, Anheuser Busch, have all made a concerted effort to market to the gay community. That’s why we buy their cars, drink their beer. And now Levi Strauss is targeting the gay community. I’m happy, because I love my 501s.

Like I said in a previous post about the Democratic Presidential candidates courting the gay vote in the Logo debate, we are a loyal bunch. It’s worth the effort to market to us, because in general, the gay community is an affluent demographic (good for business!) and a community that appreciates the recognition. Advertise in our magazines, and on the channels we’re known to watch. We certainly notice, and we will buy your cars, and drink your beer. And wear your jeans.

I liked the Bud Light commercial that aired on television a few years ago, the one where a hot woman was hitting on a hot guy at the bar… and then his boyfriend shows up and they walk away holding hands, much to her dismay. Well, that commercial didn’t last too long. Conservative folks seem to be able to shut down such nonsense fairly quickly.

I don’t drive a Saturn. Or a Jeep. Certainly not a Subaru, lest I be mistaken for a lesbian. But I do love my Levi’s 501s, and my Bud Light.

We’ve all seen this recent commercial on TV.

I like it. But here’s the alternative version airing on Logo and certain other channels. Thanks, Levi Strauss & Co., for recognizing that we are here, too. We also buy your jeans. And thanks, also, for casting this guy. I’ll buy whatever he’s selling.

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I welcome Republicans and straight people into my house because, well, some of my friends and family are Republicans (still trying to convert them), and some of my friends and family are straight (despite rumors to the contrary, no, there is no gay agenda to convert others to switch teams. Get over yourself, you’re not that hot.) Everyone is welcome at my house, even if we’re different and don’t always agree.

I have just one house. God has many houses, of course. Churches everywhere! With so many, He of course needs caretakers, those charged to make sure everything is in order and that all of the rules are followed while He’s not there. They’re called pastors, preachers, reverends, the titles vary depending on which house we’re talking about. They are hired to welcome the visitors, and take care of their needs on God’s behalf. I think God wants everyone to feel welcome, too.

Some don’t do their caretaking jobs so well, however. Like Rev. Gary Simons of High Point Church in Arlington, TX. I think God would not be happy with Gary’s job performance, and his next performance review might be less than stellar.

His mega-church (one of God’s larger homes, apparently), canceled the memorial service of Navy veteran Cecil Howard Sinclair, who served in the first Gulf War, just 24 hours before the service, after they discovered that he was gay. Church officials apparently knew he was gay, according to his sister, but when the obituary listed his life partner as one of the survivors, they canceled the ceremony. The reverend says no one knew he was gay until the day before the service.

The guy died after a surgery to prepare him for a heart transplant. He was 46.

So when the family was putting together pictures and a video tribute for Sinclair’s memorial, the church officials noticed pictures of him and his partner engaging in clear affection, kissing and embracing, and decided to call off the ceremony. Whoa! We can’t have that!

I seriously doubt if the family submitted any posthumously discovered home sex tapes for inclusion in the memorial video montage. That would indeed probably be inappropriate. But apparently the videos and pictures of him and his partner hand-holding, kissing and embracing were, well, I guess still a bit too much.

Simons said the church believes homosexuality is a sin, and it would have appeared to endorse that lifestyle if the service had been held there. Well, I believe Republicanism is a sin (I know, that’s not a word, just making a point), but I’ve never been known to kick a Republican out of my house. Or a straight person for that matter. I might draw the line at bigots, however.

“We did decline to host the service — not based on hatred, not based on discrimination, but based on principle,” Simons told The Associated Press.

Sounds like the typical “love the sinner, hate the sin” rhetoric. Whatever. They canceled his memorial service. I’m sure they wouldn’t have canceled his visit to a Sunday morning service with money in hand for the collection plate, and that he would have been welcomed with open arms. Even with his life partner in tow. I hate this phrase, but it is appropriate in this case, because sometimes we do need to ask “what would Jesus do?” The guy who hung out with prostitutes, thieves, all sorts of folks, even though He may not have agreed with their lifestyles. He turned nobody away.

Gary, you might want to re-read your job description. I don’t think the Boss would be pleased.

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Six of the eight Democratic presidential candidates had the first debate in history dedicated solely to queer issues for an LGBT audience and panel. It wasn’t really a debate, I guess, it was a forum, called The Visible Vote 08. It was kind of like a gay Oprah show.

Great idea, because I’ll tell you, if you win over us gay folks, we’re a loyal bunch, and we will turn out in droves on election day. Sure, we’re a low percentage of total voters. But I’ll guarantee it is worth it. There’s a pathetically low number of the other registered voters who bother to show up at the polls. We will be there en masse, though, because this group of Dems is willing to pay attention to our issues and concerns. It’s not that we don’t care about other issues, but we have questions that need to be answered about where the candidates stand on our community’s issues as well.

By the way, Senators Joe Biden and Chris Dodd declined to appear. Scheduling conflicts. I’m sure the other six, who did show up, have busy schedules, too, though. I would wager that if Biden or Dodd were courting the Hispanic vote, the black vote, or the Union Labor vote, they would find a way to resolve that scheduling conflict. Oh, that’s right, they’ve already found the time to do that.

I watched the forum on Logo last night, and notice they have posted the videos on their website if you’re interested. It was great, and I admire the candidates who agreed to come and address the questions and to let us know where they stand on the issues. They all did well, in my opinion, except for Bill Richardson. He actually seemed a little uncomfortable, particularly when he was asked whether he believed one is born homosexual or if it is a choice, and he blurted out that he thought it was a choice.

Dude. You should think before you speak when you’re being grilled by a gay panel, in front of a gay audience, all who know that that’s not true. The answer didn’t go over very well, but at least he was there, and he seemed to recover fairly nicely.

By the way, the gay panelists asking the questions were outstanding, too. Jonathan Capehart of the Washington Post, singer Melissa Etheridge (love, love, love her!), and Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese. Melissa’s questions seemed the toughest to me, but maybe that’s because sometimes lesbians scare me, and I wouldn’t want to be interrogated by her for fear of giving an unacceptable answer! I love you, Melissa. I just wouldn’t want you angry with me.

I’ll also need to humbly retract what I said about Dennis Kucinich in a previous post about the YouTube debates. I said:

“Dennis J. Kucinich, he just needs to stop. Of course, there are the others, he just came to mind because he’s so tiny and for some reason I remember his name. No offense to tiny people.”

No, he doesn’t need to stop after all. Not only from his responses to the issues addressed last night, but on other issues as well, he makes sense and seems to not dodge questions or avoid being up front about where he stands, as much as some of the other candidates. He is also only one of two candidates who support gay marriage. The others all apparently support civil unions, with partner’s rights. Well, is it the same? To our community, no, it’s not. And only Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel support full marriage rights for same-sex couples, so I give them much credit for that. I appreciate the other candidates’ reasoning for civil unions instead of marriage but, well, not so much.

Who knows, I might just vote for a tiny person after all. Black, female, or tiny, it’s kind of a draw at this point.

In the end, all did well, and it was outstanding to see the LGBT community’s issues publicly addressed by the candidates for the first time in history.

On a final note, the Republican candidates were invited to participate in a similar forum, but they all declined. Hmmm.

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