Current Events Watch

I love parody. That’s why I’ve been a fan of The Onion for years, it cracks me up. Long before they had a website, I was picking up the print version (free of charge!) at the used CD store down the street. They do parody well. So well, in fact, that the first time one stumbles upon the magazine or website, perusing the headlines one might not recognize the tongue-in-cheek character of the content and think, “WTF? Really?” Okay, maybe that was just me.

In fact, I daresay that their website is definitely on par with the other dot-coms: MSNBC, CNN and (the “news” network whose name shall not be spoken, think the “F” word) that they are emulating. Videos, breaking news, Onion radio news, podcasts. They have it all. And just look at these headlines! Where else are you going to find this kind of coverage?

“Iraqi Leaders Call For Moment Of Violence During Ramadan”
“Fred Thompson Fears Presidential Run Will Typecast Him As Politician”
“Bush Subconsciously Sizes Up Spain For Invasion”

So during my online perusing yesterday, after checking the weather forecast (porn), checking up on the latest Election 2008 news (more porn), and checking my utility accounts to see how delinquent I really am (even more porn … I needed a distraction from my pending panic attack!), I ran across this gem of a headline. I chuckled and shook my head. How do they come up with this stuff?

“Nebraska State Senator Sues God”

Hey, that’s not The Onion! It’s actually true!

(Nebraska State Senator Ernie) Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

The Omaha senator … also says God has caused “fearsome floods … horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes.” He’s seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

And from the local Omaha TV station’s report:

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is omnipresent. In the lawsuit, Chambers said he’s tried to contact God numerous times.

“Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon defendant ‘Come out, come out, wherever you are,’ has been unable to do so,’” Chambers said.

I’m just saying, Ernie had better watch his back! If God has been inclined in the past to make “terroristic threats” against him, I’d wager that there now may be some motivation for the Big Guy to stop simply threatening, and to launch a full-blown assault!

I know, I know, if you read the article he was apparently trying to make a point about the “frivolous” nature of another lawsuit in which a judge had banned the words “rape” and “victim” from being used during a sexual assault trial. Personally, I don’t see why that is frivolous, whether she will win or lose. I suppose if you’re a rape victim in that judge’s court, though, you’d better keep a thesaurus handy!

Good Lord (or not-so-good, according to the lawsuit), the guy has been in office since 1970. I’m sure that there have been some truly frivolous lawsuits over the course of his 37-year reign that, if he had wanted to make said point, would have been a bit more relevant. Seems to me that after 37 years of criticizing Christians, skipping morning prayers during the legislative session, he suddenly had a lightbulb moment and seized the next available opportunity to publicly express his hatred of the Almighty! I did read somewhere that he said, despite his claimed reason for filing, that the charges filed in the lawsuit do make some “good points.” Yikes. Nebraskans must be proud.

ernie chambers, lawsuits, the onion, nebraska senator, frivolous lawsuits